Category: Survivor Stories

My Friend Jill

.Reading time 16 minutes.
I met Jill on the b_inspired Cancer Warriors Retreat to Mexico.  Here is her story…
Tell us your story / stats: 
I had my first conversation with my doctor when I was 30. Both grandmothers and my paternal aunt had had breast cancer so I knew I wanted to be proactive in getting mammograms. My doctor decided we would do a baseline mammogram at age 35. That day came and I got my first mammogram done and I went home, got on Facebook and posted about my great experience. Then about an hour later I got a call saying they needed me to go back in for more pictures on one side. So I went back in and the radiologist brought me into a room (I was alone) and he showed me what they found. He said, “20% of these are nothing, 20% are cancer and everything else is in between so we need to do a biopsy to find out what we are dealing with.”  My eyes filled with tears but I didn’t let them go. It wasn’t the worst news yet so I got myself together and scheduled the biopsy. That very first mammogram saved my life. It was earliest possible stage cancer and the only way it could have been found was with a mammogram. Had I waited until age 40 to get my first one done, I guess I could have been dead by then. My sisters flew from Idaho to San Diego to go to my first appointment at the cancer center with me and thank God they did! I didn’t hear a word the surgeon said. She sounded like the teacher in the Peanuts cartoons!!! The first order of business was to get BRCA testing done. If I was positive for the gene I was going to have to have a mastectomy. If negative I could choose a lumpectomy and radiation or the mastectomy. I thought for sure it would be positive because it was on both sides of my family but I was negative. So I opted for the lumpectomy and radiation. 7 surgeries and 7 years later I am just having to accept the fact that my body is never going to look perfect and I just need to be happy to be healthy and alive.
C aside, tell us about yourself. What makes you, YOU!
I have an optimistic, very outgoing personality. I dyed my hair hot pink after C and it has stuck. It has become a big part of who I am! I don’t like to blend in anywhere. I live my life full of light and love and I just try to put it out into the world every single day.
What went through your head when you were first diagnosed?
Complete shock. I was alone when I got the call. I first called my sister who didn’t answer. Then my best friend. She didn’t answer. My third call was to my Dad who picked up and he was the first one I told. I couldn’t stop crying. We lost my 17 year old stepbrother 3 weeks after he had been diagnosed with testicular cancer 7 years earlier. I’ve never asked him what was going through his mind during that call but he was amazing. He reassured me that I would be fine and that I have love and support from a big family who would help me get through it.
What are some of your personal coping skills during difficult times?
Self love. I have learned I have to take care of myself. I need to get mani-pedis, massages and my hair done on a regular basis. I put makeup on and clothes that make me feel strong and powerful.
Tell us about your support system. Or lack of. Where do you get your support from?
This was the hardest part of my journey with cancer. I have no family in San Diego. They all live in Idaho so it’s not like they can just drive here. My two best friends in SD, I had known for 10 years and they ended up being nowhere to be found. I even asked them for help and they weren’t there. Not one day in 6 weeks of me going to radiation did either of them offer to go with me. My own therapist even drove me one day because she knew I was struggling with not having a support system. I don’t speak to either of those friends anymore. If they couldn’t be there for me when I was at my lowest, they certainly don’t get me at my best. My sister and nephews came down for a week of radiation and my best friend came for another week. A few other friends really stepped up but they all have busy lives. My friend Shannon did the most thoughtful thing for me that I will cherish for the rest of my life: a couple days before I started radiation she showed up at my house with a huge wooden board with a whole bunch of little rectangles tacked to it in rows. She gave me instructions that each day I needed to take a rectangle off and look underneath. She had 6 rows of 7 rectangles. The top of Row 1 underneath the paper was a picture of a hot guy with a message that said, “Okay Jill…it’s game time. Time to show up and kick some ass.” Then on day 1 she had a picture she had printed of me with people I love that she pulled off Facebook and a notecard with an inspirational quote. She had a different one for each day of the 6 weeks!! Underneath she had painted a huge sunset on the wooden board that I still have!! There were so many days I had do drive to radiation by myself and on those days I took the picture and the quote with me and when I was lying on the table I would think about the person from the picture and it helped me feel less alone. This gift she gave me was an immense help in trying to keep my spirits up and for that, I will be loyal to her for the rest of my life!! I certainly learned who my friends are…and who they aren’t…during my treatment and beyond. I learned that even though it was hard for me, I had to ask for help when I needed it and that’s not something I was used to. I learned that when someone is going through something difficult like a diagnosis or a death or whatever, just pick up the phone and ask how they are doing. Ask if they need anything. I think some people weren’t there for me because they didn’t know what to say or do and that was much worse than saying or doing anything “wrong.”
What have you learned about yourself since dx?
How strong I am. Who my friends are. That I can do anything I set my mind to. Not to sweat the small stuff. Relationships with family, friends and most importantly myself are what matter most in life.
What do you believe is a common misconception about being diagnosed? Or something that you’d like the general population to know about C.
It’s that once you have “beaten it” it’s still not over. The emotional scars are the hardest to get past and it takes a really long time.
Thoughts on the pink… 
Well…pink IS my color and I love it!! I have worked with Susan G Komen SD volunteering, doing some speaking and was a Grants Committee Member for a year. They are doing great work in our community. I saw it first hand.
Where are you at in life now? Mentally, physically, emotionally…
I am happier and healthier than I have ever been in my entire life! I just had my 7 year anniversary and was only finally released by my oncologist at the beginning of this year. It was the BEST feeling I think I have ever had…knowing this was all finally behind me! I struggled with loneliness for such a long time but connecting with other breast cancer survivors helped me tremendously! I just started seeing my therapist again only once a month just to make sure I stay on track emotionally.
Do you have any lasting side effects- mental, physical, etc.?
I feel a little Frankenstein-ish from all of the scars from surgeries but they have become a part of me. I have decided that scars are what make people interesting and that makes them beautiful because they tell a story!
If you could send a message to yourself from 10 years ago… how would that go?
Dear Jill, you are stronger than you ever thought possible and there is nothing you can’t endure. You are going to get a diagnosis in a few years that will terrify you but just do the work and get through it and you will come through the other side a new person who will appreciate everything good in your life so much more. Try not to get stuck in the loneliness mainframe. You have a lot of people who love you and even though they may not be physically there with you, they will be loving you and cheering you on and supporting you from wherever they are.
What are you passionate about? Is this different than what you were passionate about before dx?
I’m passionate about teaching people to take responsibility for their own health by knowing their family history and being proactive about getting screened. I’m passionate about giving back. I volunteer with Operation Smile on missions around the world. I’m also passionate about living each day to the fullest and just focusing on joy! Yes…my perspective has definitely changed since cancer.
Do you have any short term or long term goals that you are actively working towards?
Just hoping to meet the man of my dreams any day now!! I know how precious life is and I want to share the rest of my life with someone exceptional!
Do you have a favorite quote, mantra, phrase, or curse word?
When I was going through radiation I would say to myself over and over in my head when the machine was on…”light…love…warm energy.” Instead of thinking about poisonous radiation going through my body I chose to see it as me being filled up with light, love and warm energy and I think that helped me a lot!!
Whenever the day comes to travel to the “great beyond”, what do you hope people remember about you?
That I was a bright light in this world who loved with everything in me. I was a great partner, friend, sister and auntie. And I lived my life to the fullest!
Would you like to share one of your shittiest moments/memories? The raw side of C.
I remember after my 2nd surgery my sister had to fly back to Idaho and my girlfriends were nowhere to be found. I had to get groceries and was only like 2 days out of surgery. I couldn’t lift much so I had to make 2 trips from the car and I remember dropping the bags on the floor, kicking the door shut, sitting down on the floor and crying for an hour. I was exhausted and in pain and I have never felt more alone or more helpless in my life. I was going to be starting radiation soon so there was fear of the unknown too. It was just a low, low moment.
If people take away anything from your story, it would be…
Know your body. Know your family history. Get screened…even if it’s before screening is “recommended.” My very first mammogram saved my life!

My Friend Jessica

.Reading time 4 minutes.

I met Jessica through the Kick Ass Cancer Mamas Facebook group.  Here is her story…

Tell us your story / stats:

I was 14 weeks pregnant with my first child. We were thrilled! We had been trying for years and I was finally pregnant! I was watching TV one Sunday evening when I felt a tingling sensation in my left breast. I touched it and there it was… a lump. I immediately consulted Dr. Google and the results I found were cancer. I freaked out and started crying and by the end of the week I was diagnosed with stage 2B inter ductal carcinoma breast cancer. I was 34 years old and have no family history of the disease. I was upset, but I put those scary feelings aside and I knew I had to be strong for my baby. I waited so long to meet him and I wasn’t going to let anything bring me down, not even cancer. The next day after my cancer diagnosis I went to Babies R Us to start my baby registry because I wanted to focus on the future and the happy things happening in my life. My treatment included six rounds of chemotherapy while my son was still in the womb, I gave birth, had a lumpectomy two days later, followed by twelve weeks of Taxol, and finished with 36 rounds of radiation. Today, I am on Tamoxaphen, Lupron, and I’m “cancer free.”
Where are you at in life now? Mentally, physically, emotionally…
I struggle with depression, anxiety, and feelings of being overwhelmed. I see a therapist on a regular basis and take Effexor for my depression/anxiety. Sometimes it takes everything in me to get out of bed every morning. I cope by moving my body, being creative, and learning new things. I love to read and listening to podcasts.
What are you passionate about? Is this different than what you were passionate about before dx?
I love being creative! I am passionate about photography, music, journaling, makeup, fashion, and home decor. When I was younger I was creative, but I decided to pursue business when I was in college because I didn’t want to be a “starving artist.” Creativity fills my bucket! I thrive on creativity and it’s something I didn’t make time for before cancer, but today I make it a priority.
Do you have any short term or long term goals that you are actively working towards?
I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! I’m having fun exploring different career options. I love helping people and a dream of mine is to start a non-profit for cancer mama retreats.
What’s the latest happenings in your life now? 
I’m working on rebranding my blog to incorporate other topics besides cancer. Cancer will always be a part of my life, but I’m so much more than my diagnosis! Follow my instagram @joyfulaftercancer if you are interested in home interiors, makeup, motherhood, mental wellness, and breast cancer awareness!

My Friend Deanna

.Reading time 10 minutes.
I reached out to Deanna after seeing a comment of hers on an article shortly after I was diagnosed.  Here is her story…
Tell us your story / stats:
Diagnosed at 36 (2011), single workaholic, stage 3 triple negative bc.  I woke up early one morning to pulsing pain in my right breast, visible bump protruding from the breast (2.5” walnut sized tumor)
C aside, tell us about yourself. What makes you, YOU!
I’m figuring this out. I have learned I am a pretty calm & grounded individual . I need to be near water // helps me stay centered. Learning to fully trust & let go is my life’s goal.
What went through your head when you were first diagnosed?
Since I was a workaholic at the time, my only thought that jumped to my head was … when will I be back to work.
What are some of your personal coping skills during difficult times?
I use to recoil inwards and separate myself from others. Now: I try to connect with like minded people & be open to talking about my concerns. I like to hear of others that have experienced similar situations. Connection is key. It keeps me grounded and present.
Tell us about your support system. Or lack of.
I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family. But as I have gotten older I have reconnected with my sisters & Dad. I have slowly learned the meaning of family. I also connected with various breast cancer not for profit organizations- Abreast In A Boat, InspireHealth (BC Canada), Callanish Society (BC Canada) and I have been able to create supportive relationships with many women who have walked a similar path.
What have you learned about yourself since dx?
I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. I know how to take care of myself now (physically, mentally & emotionally) I have amazing friends & family who love & value me. I am not my job. I have the ability to continue to grow & change. Letting go of stress has been invaluable.
What do you believe is a common misconception about being diagnosed? Or something that you’d like the general population to know about C.
I hate people who assume Or tell me I am a fighter. “Keep fighting” “stay strong” etc. Going through cancer was exhausting. I was scared to death. It’s after the treatments end — is when the hardest part of all of this happens. Looking back, the year of treatment was a breeze. I was diagnosed with PTSD 3 years after my diagnosis. I wasn’t set up to cope with what came after. Integrating back into a life that I no longer fit into. Also people tend to think it’s something specific that causes cancer. It isn’t… for me it was an accumulation of stresses: diet, relationships, poor sleep, family issues, lack of physical activity, workaholism – my stress rainbarrel was overflowing. My body just couldn’t balance anymore.
Thoughts on the pink…
I can’t stand pink ribbon campaigns. There is too much hypocrisy in the large organizations. Important Funds get diluted due to heavy administrative costs. Or it becomes a money making business for companies that don’t actually support BC initiatives. Candy bars, fried foods, cosmetics, plastic bottled water — these are the products we buy to raise breast cancer awareness? We just encourage ignorance under the gize of breast cancer awareness — oh I can go on. I’d prefer to donate to small local not for profit organizations that directly support those diagnosed (and their families) educating them on eating better, making better choices, active life style, stress management, mental emotional support & awareness InspireHealth & Callanish Society (both in BC Canada)
Where are you at in life now?  Mentally, physically, emotionally…
Physically – I’m in the best shape of my life. I coached/paddle with a breast cancer dragon boat team & also joined a competitive rec outrigger team. Mentally/Emotionally – it’s a work in progress, I have spent the last 5 years dealing with my life issues before cancer happened, two years of dedicated counseling, changing jobs, focusing on quality of life instead of a career, became an artist — that allows me the opportunity to slow down.
Do you have any lasting side effects- mental, physical, etc.?
Chemo Brain/ Brain fog was long lasting but went away when I went back to school to become a nutritionist. It is a fine line, for me, I became dependent on the story that I had chemo brain… that belief limited me. Once I was able to challenge this belief it eventually went away. I still get tired. I have stopped feeling guilty if I need to nap. However I am also the most active I’ve ever been:)
Have you noticed any lasting effects on your families and friends?
Many friends & family eat better now. Quite a few have started working out more— to allow them to enjoy their lives more (and keep up with their kids) Close friends are looking more honestly at their quality of life. Mid 30’s and onwards … it’s not about $ anymore.
If you could send a message to yourself from 10 years ago… how would that go?
Deanna, connect with life. You are not your job. You have the ability to slow down. Take time for yourself & just breathe. Your body & soul need to rest. Take care of them. Life goes by so quickly. Please learn to enjoy it.
What are you passionate about? Is this different than what you were passionate about before dx?
Paddling, good friends, eating good nutritious foods, art, being out on the water, finding ways to detox (mentally, emotionally & physically) & sleep. Yes this is very different – none of that mattered prior to my diagnosis.
Do you have any short term or long term goals that you are actively working towards.
I just bought my own canoe (that was on my list for a while), dabbling with the idea of moving to Vancouver Island — found a place I’d like to live already & making art more of a dominate presence in my life. Perhaps I could live off what I create.
Do you have a favorite quote, mantra, phrase, or curse word?
Only the present moment contains life . — enough said:)
Whenever the day comes to travel to the “great beyond”, what do you hope people remember about you?
That I cared for the people in my life, that I made significant changes to better support my life & I inspired connection & community.
Would you like to share one of your shittiest moments/memories? The raw side of C.
A technician said I was too young to have cancer (like I had made a mistake) … yeah, she was wrong and there is no such thing as too young. I hated the looks of pity I received from strangers and a few friends. Once I came back from treatments – I wasn’t able to fit inside my old work life & I felt so inadequate. I was “underperforming”, my whole life was work and I was failing at it.
What’s the latest happenings in your life now? 
My art is taking off & I am hoping to see how I can grow this. Exciting and so out of the blue. I had not sketched anything in over 20+ years & in 2017 I picked up old highschool supplies and haven’t looked back.
If people take away anything from your story, it would be…
Community & Connection is key. It helped me out of depression, it got me mentally & physically stronger, it allowed me to take life’s blinders off – liberating. It changed my life.