Grateful As F

Since I was a little kid, I have said the same prayer to myself before going to bed each night. “As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take” followed by all of the things I am grateful for. Even as a small child, I realized the last line was a little ‘much’ but it is what it is.

I learned the prayer from a small card that my mom had, which I eventually took over and would thumbtack above my bed. With my intense anxiety as a kid, this card always made me feel protected when I felt the most vulnerable.

If you read my last post, you know I have been working on simplifying my life and trying to be more present. I am proud of the little steps I’ve made. I’ve even crafted a morning ritual to help me start my day in a peaceful and grateful manner with morning meditation, me time, and self care. It has helped me tremendously with my attitude and patience! But it wasn’t until last night, as I said my prayer, listing the things I am grateful for, and thinking about this post- that I really listened to myself. It’s taken all these years to realize that I create a Gratitude List every night. I am proud of my evening ritual and bookending my day this way really works for me.

To continue with thankful and grateful traditions, I’ve created my annual ABC’s of Gratitude. Quick reminder, these are things I am truly grateful for, no matter how big or small and they seem. Here goes it 💜

A- Audiobooks

B- Braless-ness

C- Crystals and CBD Oil

D- Dance Parties

E- Essential Oils

F- Family and Friends

G- Giggles

H- Our Home

I- Instacart

J- Jobs I Enjoy Showing Up To

K- Kind People

L- Lists

M- Meditation and Meditation Apps

N- Neck Massages

O- Old Memories

P- My Planner

Q- Quiet Time

R- Dinner Reservations

S- Stretchy Pants and Swear Words

T- Team Work

U- Unsubscribe Buttons

V- Vegas

W- Warm Beverages

X- Extra Numbing at the Dentist Office

Y- Yoga

Z- Zero Drama Llamas

Happy Thanksgiving 🍁

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Still… Thankful, Grateful and Blessed

I’ve been meaning to write a post for some time now but I guess I’ve been busy living, man. Really, I think I’m still adjusting to being back at work and not having a ton of free time. And the free time I do have, we’ve been hunting for a new place to live. Buuuuut…. I think we’ve found a place! We will have a final answer in a few days.

A quick C update: I just finished my 4th cycle of Xeloda yesterday. My toes and bottoms of feet are peeling. Like nasty peeling. I’m serious, I’m like a snake- thick sheets of skin are coming off daily. Filling my socks. Sometimes in the shower, the water will fill the pockets of skin, making it feel like I’m standing on a waterbed. Now go enjoy your turkey/ tofurkey and mashed potatoes 😜 but question- do they even make waterbeds anymore? Every rental application seems to believe so… 🤷🏻‍♀️

Other side effects from the Xeloda: The one that seems to irritate me even more than the skin stuff is that my fingerprints are “disappearing “, which I thought was a joking overreaction from others, turns out to be totally true. Every app on my phone that uses my finger print to open, including opening the fricken phone itself, no longer works. And remembering passwords is total crap.

I’m also dropping things a ton, this was something that happened to me while I was on Taxol too. My dexterity is suffering in general- maneuvering a necklace clasp proves to be rough, man. Along with opening tops, bottles, etc. You get it.

Since starting Xeloda, I’ve had a few mouth sores, which were expected. But this week I found a painful lump under my tongue and of course lump= anxiety. It has turned out to be a gnarly mouth sore. My onc prescribed me Magic Mouthwash for the pain which helps a ton but also gives me dentist face. You know, like when you get a cavity filled and they numb you… and then you talk funny, drool some, and feel overall swollen. Like that.

Oh, and Xeloda makes me smell like dust. No one else seems to smell it but me. Like C has literally made me old as dirt 😂

I had a surgery follow up about a week ago and all was great! I will be going back in 6 months for a check up. But this chick…. She’s the best. I love my surgeon so much, she removed my boobs and I still adore her. Shit. She could have given me a tail and I’d still love her. But I’m grateful she didn’t. Let’s get that straight.

Dr. Formichella

Since my last post, we also celebrated Lil’ Har turning the big 3! I am so thankful that I am here on this earth, able to see the pure joy on his face while playing with his cousins and brother, eating cake, and watching Cars 3. My kids, they have my whole heart. And always will.

Now, onto other grateful thoughts…

I have no doubt, I could do this all alone. I’m a strong ass mama. But I am so glad I don’t have to. The endless love and support me and my family receive daily is so important for healing and us continuing on. I want to repeat again, I am so thankful for Team Filloon. And to continue with the gratitude stuff, and giving that it’s a day of thanks, I’m doing another alphabet list like I did for Thanksgiving last year. Again, this is not the end all, be all. And- remember, I make the rules 😁Here goes it!

A- Amazon Prime

B- My Boys

C- Christmas Music

D- Date Nights

E- Epsom Salt Baths

F- Floyd’s Barbershop

G- GT’s Kombucha

H- Humor

I- Internet Memes

J- Jacuzzis

K- Kick Ass Cancer Mamas

L- Leggings

M- My Marriage

N- Necklaces

O- Orange Juice and Champagne minus the Orange Juice

P- Pie

Q- Quiet Time

R- Reiki

S- Scarves and Sage

T- This Is Us

U- Unicorns

V- Vegas

W- Self Work

X- Xeloda

Y- Yoga

Z- Zoloft

I hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving!

Still… Thankful, Grateful and Blessed💜

Thankful, Grateful, Blessed 

Ninth Taxol treatment in the works! Three more to go and then on to the AC. 

Nothing much to report today. Thankfully! And in the spirit of being thankful, which I am on the daily, I’ll share with you my current alphabet list. 

Remember way back, when I told you all that sometimes I play the alphabet game in my head? Well, today’s genre is gratitude and things that make me happy. 🤗 Note- this list is NOT the end all, be all. Just the things that popped into my head while trying to pass the time during chemo. And because it’s my game, I make the rules. You’ll see what I mean when we get to X 😁

A- Alternative Medicine 
B- Belly laughs

C- Cards 

D- Doggies

E- Ellen

F- Family and Friends 

G- Giggles

H- HGTV 

I- Impromptu dance parties in the driveway to Christmas music and Christmas laser light decorations 

J- John

K- Kombucha

L- La Croix 

M- Modern Medicine 

N- Nausea Meds 

O- Olives stuffed with yummy things

P- Parades

Q- Quiet Moments 

R- New Recipes 

S- Seat Heaters

T- Tamales

U- Ukuleles 

V- Visits from my parents in my dreams 

W- The Woody Show on 98.7

X- Extra Hugs and Kisses from Little H 

Y- Yoga

Z- Zippered onesies for W

Did any of you watch This Is Us last night? Man I love that show! William’s speech about appreciating the tiny beautiful moments really hit me, gave me the chills. So real and relevant. 

You don’t need me to remind you, especially during this season, but I’ll say it anyway. Always remember to be thankful; say it out loud, write it down, or just say it in your head. Express gratitude even for the little things- for those, sometimes, really are the big things. 

Each night, as I close my eyes, I give thanks for the wonderful things in my life. Try it out. It feels nice. 

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving! And if you feel like putting it out there, tell me- What are you grateful for? 🍁