My Friend Kathleen

.Reading time 8 minutes.

I met Kathleen through the Kick Ass Cancer Mamas Facebook group.  Here is her story…

Tell us your story / stats: 
I was 29, married 2 years and expecting our first child when I was diagnosed with stage 4 inflammatory breast cancer. It started as a red swollen breast and I ignored it thinking I was just getting ready to make milk. I found a lump months down the road which I had my OB check out and she sent me for an ultrasound immediately, which led to a needle guided biopsy and skin punch biopsy, then diagnosis. We did a baseline ultrasound on baby prior to chemo and found cancer in my liver as well. I had one chemo and then was induced. I did weekly chemo for 7 months before achieving no evidence of disease. I had my ovaries and breasts removed and will continue to get treatment for life, including daily pills, infusions and shots every 3 weeks, along with scans to check my heart due to potential damage from infusions. I have had no evidence of disease for over 3 years now.
C aside, tell us about yourself. What makes you, YOU!
I’ve always been a relentlessly positive person. I quit my job as a wedding cake designer in Seattle to spend more time with my son.
What went through your head when you were first diagnosed?
How unfair it was, getting to bring a little life into the world without getting to stick around to get to know who that kid would become.
What are some of your personal coping skills during difficult times?
I think I am still working on that… I try to talk about it but end up putting walls around the problem and not dealing with it. I try and breathe and stay in the moment, remember all the good.
Tell us about your support system. Or lack of. Where do you get your support from?
My family and friends. Some people came out of nowhere to be big supporters, other people dropped out of my life. I try not to take it personally and realize how hard it would be to be witness to the situation. I am super thankful for my husband, mom, and sister in laws. My son is obviously a huge motivation for me.
Many people are unaware that you can do chemotherapy while pregnant. Thoughts and personal experience?
I trusted in my oncologist. I remember the nurse administering it said she made my onc swear up and and down she wouldn’t be hurting my baby. My onc said it wouldn’t cross the placenta and it didn’t. I was bald when my son was born and he had a full head of hair, that was really reassuring to see.
What have you learned about yourself since dx?
That you don’t realize how strong you are, how much you can endure, until you don’t have a choice.
What do you believe is a common misconception about being diagnosed? Or something that you’d like the general population to know about C.
I had no idea about stage 4/metastatic cancer. I thought breast cancer wasn’t a big deal anymore. Got a huge reality check when I was told metastatic was incurable. I also didn’t know there was a breast cancer without a lump.  I would urge everyone to be aware of any changes in their breasts and to always get it checked out.
Thoughts on the pink… 
I hate the pink washing that is still occurring. We need real awareness, awareness of the different forms, and stages, but more than that, we need research for metastatic cancer, it is the only breast cancer that kills. It kills when it spreads, yet it gets a tiny % of research funding. Wouldn’t you think the majority of research funds should go to the part that actually kills us?
Where are you at in life now?  Mentally, physically, emotionally…
Fairly healthy, I’m at a healthy weight and recently had reconstruction. I spend my days trying to make sure my son will grow up to be a good little person, toughest job in the world, being a mom, and that takes its toll, but I am working on taking good care of my mental health.
If you could send a message to yourself from 10 years ago… how would that go?
I would tell me to cut off my boobs! I don’t have genetics for cancer, just bad luck.
What are you passionate about? Is this different than what you were passionate about before dx?
I’m passionate about raising a good kid. Before C, I was passionate about making good cakes. I had a few in magazines, I was starting to feel like I had “made it” in the cake world, and then I decided it was a waste of time. I don’t know how much time I have in this world, I want to spend it with my family.
Do you have a favorite quote, mantra, phrase, or curse word?
“Hope always” and “time is precious, waste it wisely”
Whenever the day comes to travel to the “great beyond”, what do you hope people remember about you?
My smile and dedication to my family.
Would you like to share one of your shittiest moments/memories? The raw side of C.
I found out my cancer was “incurable” the Friday before my baby shower. I got to open up all these gifts thinking I wouldn’t be around to see the little man these things were for. I got a 9mo suit and wondered if that is what my son would wear to my funeral. The next day was our maternity photo shoot where we had to be all smiles when really we were devastated on the inside. When we got home from that we let ourselves break down. It was a very raw moment.
What’s the latest happenings in your life now?
Life is mostly good… I have a “Metastatic Mom” Facebook page but I don’t update it much since fortunately I haven’t had much to update! Clear scans every 4 months is what usually gets posted these days.
If people take away anything from your story, it would be…
Be aware of any changes in your body, be your own advocate, don’t waste your time on stupid shit.

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My Friend Emily R.

.Reading time 8 minutes.
I met Emily through the Kick Ass Cancer Mamas Facebook group.  Here is her story…
Tell us your story / stats: 
I was diagnosed at age 32 and turned 33, 3 days later. Stage IIIa, 25 weeks pregnant. I had a lump for many years that was called a cyst. It would come and go with periods. When I was pregnant it got very hard and never went away. Then I small red streak appeared at the top of my breast. After trying some antibiotics for a clogged milk duct, I did the real tests to find out it was cancer.
C aside, tell us about yourself. What makes you, YOU!
I’m sarcastic, sometimes funny, I love fitness, I love the beach, I’m a PE teacher, wife and mother. I love dogs, hikes, acupuncture, yoga and to be around friends and family.
What went through your head when you were first diagnosed?
Honestly, just shock and fear, I think I cried every day for about two weeks. I saw death. But thank god, that hasn’t been the outcome for me, yet.
What are some of your personal coping skills during difficult times?
I write sometimes, I complain to my friends on Facebook, I go to acupuncture, I go to the gym.
Tell us about your support system. Or lack of. Where do you get your support from?
My husband is my rock, but I’m not big on verbalizing things until they are really bad. I could probably do better on that end. I wish my friends would reach out more and make more of an effort to spend time with me.
Many people are unaware that you can do chemotherapy while pregnant. Thoughts and personal experience?
I didn’t have too many weird situations when this came up, mostly people just asked if the baby was ok.
What have you learned about yourself since dx?
I cannot handle stress. Lol. I have learned that I’m not impervious to suffering and illness.
What do you believe is a common misconception about being diagnosed? Or something that you’d like the general population to know about C.
It’s not always a death sentence. But I wish people would support each other more. I had some great visits and people brought things to help us, but on the other hand you have close friends who never visited or anything. Just don’t get weird, be there!
Thoughts on the pink… 
I mean, I don’t feel a certain way, except it’s a club that I belong to. Not one that I want to belong to. I don’t wear pink every day, but my little pink ribbon tattoo reminds me of the shit I went through and what I was capable of. It’s not about who my money goes to.
Where are you at in life now?  Mentally, physically, emotionally…
At this exact moment I feel like crap. I stopped my meds that put me into menopause in hopes of having another baby. My hormones are so all over the place, I’ve been fighting this anxiety and panic attack feeling for about a week. But all together for a month on and off. When I feel good, I feel strong and healthy, but today I feel low and broken.
Do you have any lasting side effects- mental, physical, etc.?
I might. I’m still trying to see if my anxiety is from me or just the out of whack hormones. I may need to pursue some counseling in the future if this doesn’t improve.
Have you noticed any lasting effects on your families and friends?
I feel like sometimes that they have already forgotten. In some ways I never want to talk about it again, but other times I want to vent!
If you could send a message to yourself from 10 years ago… how would that go?
Change your diet, open your mind, push the doctors to do what you think, listen to your body.
What are you passionate about? Is this different than what you were passionate about before dx?
I’m more passionate about my personal relationships with people. I’m not good at them all the time but I’m trying.
Do you have any short term or long term goals that you are actively working towards?
I applied to a masters program, I’m hoping to be accepted into the next term! I want to teach at a community college.
Do you have a favorite quote, mantra, phrase, or curse word?
If I die today, it was the best day of my life. To me it just means, live today happy, make today the best day of your life, so if you died today, you died happy!
Whenever the day comes to travel to the “great beyond”, what do you hope people remember about you?
I hope they remember the good things about me. I hope they learn from me too.
Would you like to share one of your shittiest moments/memories? The raw side of C.
It’s crazy how much of a blur that 6 months was. I tried to get pregnant for so many years and cancer just robbed my happiness. It took the one joy in my life and made it totally different. Being pregnant and going through cancer treatment is just so weird and fucked up.
What’s the latest happenings in your life now?
I feel like I’m fully back into “normal” life. Work, wife, mommy…doing everything I did before. I feel very happy with where I am, now I keep wishing for more and more, like there’s a big future still ahead of me.
If people take away anything from your story, it would be…
You can come out of this crappy situation and find one thing to “learn” from it, you learn what you truly value. It will be ok, but have good supports set up, take care of yourself too, that’s important and be a nice person!

My Friend Jennifer

.Reading time 10 minutes.

 

I met Jennifer while working at LifeCare Solutions in San Diego.  Here is her story…

Tell us your story / stats:
I was DX 6 days after my 35th birthday and just having my 3rd child who was 3 months old. At the time, I had my older daughter Leilani who was 7, my son Luke who was 5 and my 3 month old Larissa. I was breastfeeding and thought it was a clogged milk duct. When my lump grew from the size of a quarter to a golf ball in one week, I knew something was not right. I went back to my OBGYN and he sent me in right away to get a biopsy done.  I got the call 3 days later that is was breast cancer. I was a triple negative and was at stage 3. I met my surgeon and met with my oncologist and 2 weeks later I had a double mastectomy. My doctors were very fast and just within that time, my mass grew to the size of a softball and consumed my whole right breast. I was told I could have a 50/50 chance of getting it in the other side. With just having a new baby and 2 toddlers, I was going to do what ever it took. I went through 6 rounds of chemo and 8 weeks of radiation. For the next two years, I went through 8 different surgeries, a partial hysterectomy and reconstructions of my breast. I had a purpose, to fight for my husband and kids. I wanted to see my kids grow and not miss out on anything. For my new baby to know her mom. I am happy to say I will be 10 years cancer free this year. My oldest started college, my son is a JR in high school and my baby Larissa is in 5th grade and knows her mommy. My husband and I will be celebrating 19 years of marriage. I am so thankful for every day.
C aside, tell us about yourself. What makes you, YOU!
I feel I am a good person and I love my family and friends.
What went through your head when you were first diagnosed?
How was I going to sit down and tell my kids and husband. That was one of the hardest things, when my kids asked if I was going to die. What was my husband going to do?  Would he stay or leave me? We were so young and I was just so scared.
What are some of your personal coping skills during difficult times?
My shower was my safe zone for crying and just having my own pity party. Then when I would get out and I would put my strong face on again for my family.
Tell us about your support system. Or lack of. 
I was so very lucky to have a huge support system. My husband and even my older two kids really stepped up so much to help me when I needed anything. My parents, sister, brother, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, in-laws, sister in laws, brother in laws and my friends. The week I would have my chemo, Larissa was shared by so many friends and family so I could rest and Che could go to work. We were truly blessed with the support, even from co-workers at my work and my husband’s work. It was truly amazing. I still get choked up about it.
What have you learned about yourself since dx?
That I am stronger than I thought.
What do you believe is a common misconception about being diagnosed? Or something that you’d like the general population to know about C.
That even though you might have won the battle, you will never be the same person again. It does change you and your body forever. I think that was a big thing for me. I would get told that a lot.
Thoughts on the pink… 
I did the Susan G Komen 3 day and have donated to that cause and to American Cancer society because I have lost many friends and family to other cancers. I wear my pink with pride and there is something about the bond you have with other survivors.
Where are you at in life now? Mentally, physically, emotionally…
I am at a wonderful place. I have been here for many milestones that I was so afraid I would miss.
Do you have any lasting side effects- mental, physical, etc.?
I have some of both mental and physical but I just push through it.
Have you noticed any lasting effects on your families and friends?
There are but my family and friends know that life is hard and after what they went through on this journey with me, they don’t complain much. Lol
If you could send a message to yourself from 10 years ago… how would that go?
That you will be ok and you will be challenged but are a strong lady.
What are you passionate about? Is this different than what you were passionate about before dx?
I have always been passionate about being present with my kids and husband. I want my kids to know they can always count on me. I feel that way to all the people close to me in my life.
Do you have a favorite quote, mantra, phrase, or curse word?
Life is one day at a time.
Whenever the day comes to travel to the “great beyond”, what do you hope people remember about you?
That I loved everyone and I loved to have fun. I was a good person and to drink a beer. I always told them no crying, just celebrate and pour one for the homie..lol
Would you like to share one of your shittiest moments/memories? The raw side of C.
I had three that I will never forget. My first one was after I came home from my double Mastectomy and it was 2-3 days after, when it was time to change my bandage. I was so scared to see it, so my husband Che and I decided we would lock our bedroom door and him and I would do it together. When that bandage came off we both cried together.
My second was right after my first chemo treatment. Your hair falls out pretty fast and so again I told Che “ok, get the older kids and your clippers and let’s shave my head.”
My third one was I wanted to stop my chemo treatments about my 3rd one in. I was getting sicker and weaker after each one and I could see my husband was just so worried. He had stayed home one day and we had this long talk because I was not sure what he was thinking or feeling. I think people forget and, even us that are going through this tuff time, that your spouse is feeling and going through it with you. Then he opened up about how he felt helpless because he wanted to fix me and have me better.
What’s the latest happenings in your life now? 
Life is good and busy with my family. I feel very blessed.
If people take away anything from your story, it would be…
To never give up. We are stronger than we might think.