Yesterday, John removed my bandages. I thought I was ready to share a picture but I’m not there yet. The day will come and I’ll give a warning, as it will for sure make lots of you uncomfortable. I’ve always said I’d be honest… I just have to do it on my terms.
The bandages had been making me feel extremely claustrophobic and they were uncomfortable. So I took some Tylenol and an Ativan and sat down… for fear of passing out. John removed the bandages away from a mirror. I had him describe what he saw. Where were the incisions and stitches? Was there blood? Was I swollen? What did he think?
When I finally got the nerve, I stood up and walked towards the mirror. I wish that I could say it was easy to look at. I’m not proud of the first words I said or my first thoughts. Thank goodness for John. He reminded me that I would never say those things to any of my survivor sisters and he was right. Instead, I would see their strength and be proud of them. I allowed myself yesterday to pout, cry, and be upset. Today is a new day.
Also today, I was scheduled to see my surgeon for a follow up and to get the pathology report. Unfortunately, my surgeon was held up in another surgery and, last minute (like we were going to walk out of the house soon) we had to reschedule my appointment for Wednesday.
These drains are driving me nuts so I’m really hoping they can be removed when I see her. They are itchy and they tug on my skin. I also have to “milk” the drains to keep them flowing. Go ahead, puke a little, I do. The area above my incisions is swollen. It actually feels like a thick rubber band runs underneath my arm pits and across my chest. My left arm has a better range of motion than my right. My right side (lympnodes were removed on the right side) is stiff and really uncomfortable. My arm pit and back of arm are numb. I’ve read this is normal. I spoke to a nurse today, I am to keep an eye on the swelling and will go in tomorrow if it increases.
Sleeping is still a pain. I was able to sleep in our own bed last night which was nice. Having to stay on my back all night is crap. I look forward to my first night sleeping on my side, or hell- let’s get crazy here- my stomach! Then I’ll really be living.