So, here’s something fun. A gal in my Kick Ass Cancer Mama group created a video featuring several of us. I love it because I was able to see my fellow survivor sisters in action with their little’s. But I also love it because it shows how we are not alone in this battle. This tiny sampling shows that there are just too many women diagnosed with cancer while pregnant. The video is about 10 minutes long but- oh, so worth it! Wyatt and I make an appearance around the 2:15 mark. I know several of you have shown interest in these ladies so I wanted to share. 

http://ellennation.com/36335/amazing-strong-women-battle-cancer-while-she-is-pregnant?ref=fb

This past weekend, we got to see the comedian Tig Notaro. Ahhhhhh-mazing! We had great seats and it was a fantastic show. A massive thank you to my friend Kai and her family for gifting us the tickets and getting mama out of the house for a night! I guess chemo getting pushed back turned out to be a good thing since I was able to go out and not be super sick.

Another bonus of chemo getting pushed is that I’m pretty sure I will be able to attend the Young Survivor Coalition Summit in March. My surgery was supposed to be right around that time, but I’m thinking now it will be the week after the summit. I am super excited to go and I’ll even get to meet some of the other cancer mamas in person! 

As my next AC approaches, I keep thinking about how it reminds me of swimming in the ocean. For the record, I’m not really a fan of swimming in the ocean. It’s cold. And weird stuff touches your feet. Anyways- You’re floating around and then suddenly a big ass wave is heading your way. You duck under and hope for the best. The wave crushes you into the ocean floor. Pulls your bottoms right down to your knees and now you have sand up your crack. Then in an instant, your upside down, seaweed tangled around your body. You’re not sure if you can make it up before you desperately need that next breath. You’re flipping and spinning underwater as the wave wooshes you towards the shore. Suddenly you realize you’ve made it out. Gasping for air, you notice your boob is completely out of your top and you’re mooning the entire world with your bare ass. But fuck it, all you care about is that you can breathe again.

The last wave was super rough but I made it out ok. I’ve pulled up my bottoms and put my boobs back. And maybe the next wave will be more mellow. 

Stay tuned. 

I have mixed feelings- this week’s chemo has been cancelled due to my never ending cold- I started getting sick the day before Christmas Eve. I went to urgent care last night with a terribly painful sore throat and cough, it felt like the beginning of strep. The Dr. didn’t see any redness or swelling which is cool, but makes no sense. And my lungs were clear, also cool. So I was thinking maybe it could be a mouth sore that made it to my throat from the last chemo. 
Well, I’m guessing my oncologist saw the report from last night because I got a call from the infusion center this morning- doc has decided to push this week’s chemo back in hopes that A: I get better. And B: My counts don’t get too low, increasing my risk to the nasty virus going around right now. Here’s the mixed part- I want the chemotherapy to be over with sooner than later but I am so nervous to do it again because last time was so crappy. But, perhaps, AC wasn’t actually that bad and my cold was just adding to the shittiness? I can only hope. 

I felt so helpless and defeated with my last round of chemo. So today, I decided to take some control back in my life. I went and got my medical marijuana card so I could be better prepared for all of the pain and nausea. 

Today was an adventure. 
The doctor’s office was so laid back, the bearded man who checked me in was so… mellow, man…. and the doctor herself, was way stoned. Her office smelled like pepperoncinis. Therefore, I smelled like pepperoncinis. The whole process only took about a half hour from check in to out the door. And then off to the dispensary I went. 

The dispensary was difficult to find. As I thought I must be close, I saw an old, frail man exit an inconspicuous side door with a small brown bag so I figured I’d made it. I walked into a super nice lobby and was greeted by a man behind, what I assume was, bulletproof glass. Super sweet guy- takes my info and starts talking about new client deals. Says blah blah flower blah blah… I smile because I have no fucking clue what he was talking about but I like flowers. He asks if I’m interested in that deal… Ummmm what? Turns out flower means weed in this case. He gets a good laugh because I don’t know the lingo. I get a good hot flash.

Finally it’s my turn to be buzzed back through the locked door to see the ‘bud tender’ ha! Get it?! Budtender/ bartender. I laughed really hard when they told me this. Anyway, I walked into the back room and was greeted by two guys. They asked how they could help me. I shrugged my shoulders and said “uhhhhhhhhh no clue guys” I got a tour of my options. Holy crap, there’s a lot of pot. Oils, lotions, sprays, tinctures, edibles, drinks and so on. The budtenders were super helpful, I’m pretty confident we were able to set me up with some good stuff for next week. 
While I was finishing up, a sweet lady walked in. She overheard me talking about my needs and chimed in to be sure I was getting the right stuff. She looked at my bald head and then told me she’s been there, twice. (I love hearing and seeing the positive outcomes) Gave me a wink and told me I’ve got this, then gave me one of these 💪🏻. I left there feeling empowered. And smelling like pot mixed with pepperoncinis. 

Last thing- I know I don’t always respond to emails, calls, texts, and messages but I want everyone to know how grateful I am for them. They tend to come through right when they are needed most, always with the perfect words for the moment. You guys help me so much, I don’t know if you’ll never truly know your power. You keep me focused and remind me of the good throughout all of the bad. I am thankful to have you all and your perfect words.  I 💖 Team Filloon.