I have mixed feelings- this week’s chemo has been cancelled due to my never ending cold- I started getting sick the day before Christmas Eve. I went to urgent care last night with a terribly painful sore throat and cough, it felt like the beginning of strep. The Dr. didn’t see any redness or swelling which is cool, but makes no sense. And my lungs were clear, also cool. So I was thinking maybe it could be a mouth sore that made it to my throat from the last chemo. 
Well, I’m guessing my oncologist saw the report from last night because I got a call from the infusion center this morning- doc has decided to push this week’s chemo back in hopes that A: I get better. And B: My counts don’t get too low, increasing my risk to the nasty virus going around right now. Here’s the mixed part- I want the chemotherapy to be over with sooner than later but I am so nervous to do it again because last time was so crappy. But, perhaps, AC wasn’t actually that bad and my cold was just adding to the shittiness? I can only hope. 

I felt so helpless and defeated with my last round of chemo. So today, I decided to take some control back in my life. I went and got my medical marijuana card so I could be better prepared for all of the pain and nausea. 

Today was an adventure. 
The doctor’s office was so laid back, the bearded man who checked me in was so… mellow, man…. and the doctor herself, was way stoned. Her office smelled like pepperoncinis. Therefore, I smelled like pepperoncinis. The whole process only took about a half hour from check in to out the door. And then off to the dispensary I went. 

The dispensary was difficult to find. As I thought I must be close, I saw an old, frail man exit an inconspicuous side door with a small brown bag so I figured I’d made it. I walked into a super nice lobby and was greeted by a man behind, what I assume was, bulletproof glass. Super sweet guy- takes my info and starts talking about new client deals. Says blah blah flower blah blah… I smile because I have no fucking clue what he was talking about but I like flowers. He asks if I’m interested in that deal… Ummmm what? Turns out flower means weed in this case. He gets a good laugh because I don’t know the lingo. I get a good hot flash.

Finally it’s my turn to be buzzed back through the locked door to see the ‘bud tender’ ha! Get it?! Budtender/ bartender. I laughed really hard when they told me this. Anyway, I walked into the back room and was greeted by two guys. They asked how they could help me. I shrugged my shoulders and said “uhhhhhhhhh no clue guys” I got a tour of my options. Holy crap, there’s a lot of pot. Oils, lotions, sprays, tinctures, edibles, drinks and so on. The budtenders were super helpful, I’m pretty confident we were able to set me up with some good stuff for next week. 
While I was finishing up, a sweet lady walked in. She overheard me talking about my needs and chimed in to be sure I was getting the right stuff. She looked at my bald head and then told me she’s been there, twice. (I love hearing and seeing the positive outcomes) Gave me a wink and told me I’ve got this, then gave me one of these 💪🏻. I left there feeling empowered. And smelling like pot mixed with pepperoncinis. 

Last thing- I know I don’t always respond to emails, calls, texts, and messages but I want everyone to know how grateful I am for them. They tend to come through right when they are needed most, always with the perfect words for the moment. You guys help me so much, I don’t know if you’ll never truly know your power. You keep me focused and remind me of the good throughout all of the bad. I am thankful to have you all and your perfect words.  I 💖 Team Filloon.