Author: jessicafilloon

RADS

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I had my Radiation Oncology consult yesterday. Looks like I will be having daily radiation (RADS- like the cool kids call it) for 25 sessions total. Five days a week, Monday through Friday, for 5 weeks. 😳 Annnnnnd I can’t bring the kids… so… I will be reaching out for help at that time. Radiation will take place after my surgery. I will have more information on what type of surgery/reconstruction and when, later this month after my plastic surgery consult. 
This morning I had a follow up Oncology appointment. She is still very pleased with how I am responding to treatment. Yay me! If my counts all stay up, it looks like I will be starting the AC drugs late December. This combo of drugs will likely bring on nausea/vomiting and extreme fatigue. Or maybe not. We will see. 
I feel like I am in a really good place right now. Physically I am feeling terrific. Just tired here and there. Never mind the massive bruise I have on my thigh from walking into a fire hydrant yesterday. For reals, I must have been walking with serious purpose after getting the mail- I was so interested in what could be in my first Birch Box. Didn’t even see it coming. I was like Peter on Family Guy. 
Mentally, I feel super strong. Of course, I have my moments but those pass. It helps when I see my doctors and they tell me how positive I look and how well I am responding to treatment.  I really love my doctors, nurses, and support staff at Kaiser.  They probably don’t know it, but I feel super pumped after I see them. Even chemo. I truly feel that I am on the right path to healing with everything I am doing and incorporating. 
Lots of people seem to be surprised at how positive I remain through all of this. I remind them that I don’t really have a choice. I have lot of people I am fighting for, not just myself. And what good would moping around do? I might as well give up then. Which WILL NEVER FUCKING HAPPEN 💪🏻

I re-posted a picture on Instagram yesterday that said: “You have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved” Hell yes. That picture 100% hit home for me. But I hope it also hit home for lots of you. We are all going through some sort of shit. And if it’s possible to encourage others in your journey, allow that. 💖

My Story

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That’s not me. That’s not my story. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that. 

The internet is a great resource but it can also send you to a deep, dark place. It’s hard not to compare yourself to others in some situations. When I hear about someone who has been through any of this, especially when the person was/is also stage 3, triple negative, I almost immediately compare myself to them. How are they doing? Will I have the same outcome? The good and the bad. 
Then I remind myself that since the beginning, when I was first diagnosed, I told myself “I am not my mother”. 
Now don’t get me wrong, she was an amazing, strong, loving, overall fantastic woman. She was my best friend and I miss her everyday. But her diagnosis is not mine. Her outcome is not mine. 

Each day, I’m writing my own page and working towards a happy ending. 

No matter your current situation, let’s all try and remember that we are writing our own stories. We may not be able to choose everything that happens to us but we can choose how we respond. 

Today’s page in my Book O Life- sixth chemo treatment complete. My platelets went back up but my white blood cells are down again. I was still able to get treatment though. Yeah! Feeling great, half way done with this Taxol/Carboplatin regiment! I have a consult with Radiation Oncology later today to plan out what’s coming in the new year. 

I have also been getting way comfortable with my new look. I am digging the new ‘do I’m rocking. Being bald is chilly at times but so convenient! And I am getting much better with my makeup stuff. My eyebrows and eyelashes are thinning but luckily there is still enough to work with. Thank goodness for mascara! 


If anything, chemo is giving me a bomb ass completion! 😜 

BRCA 

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Had an appointment with my surgeon this morning. She said she is thrilled to see how much the tumors have shrunk. 😄 We also discussed my BRCA results. My genetics test proved that I am positive for the BRCA gene which means I will be having a bilateral mastectomy. At a later time, my ovaries will be removed since I am at higher risk of ovarian cancer with this gene. Next steps- I will have a consult with Radiation Oncology and then I will see a Plastic Surgeon. With the radiation info, we can then go forward with a plan for reconstruction. The plan possibilities seem to be these: 

*Bilateral mastectomy with no immediate reconstruction until radiation is complete. 

*Bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. Followed by radiation. (It didn’t sound like this will happen)

*Single mastectomy followed by radiation. Once radiation is complete, go in for the removal of the other side and reconstruction at the same time. 

Again, all of this depends on what radiation says. 
Side note- some assholes have been breaking into mailboxes lately and our neighborhood one got hit the other day. The police were checking it out but if you mailed us something recently and I haven’t said anything, I am sorry. I’m hoping they only took crap junk mail. 😕