Tag: Pregnant With Cancer

My Friend Jin

.Reading time 10 minutes.
I met Jin through the Kick Ass Cancer Mamas Facebook group.  Here is her story…
Tell us your story / stats: 
I was 37 years old and 36 weeks pregnant with my daughter when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was on top of the world–my husband and my careers were on point, we were financially stable, and ready to start a family. I randomly found a lump on my breast, which I had chalked up to a clogged duct. I made a mental note to show my OB at my 36 week check up. My OB wanted me to be seen by the breast specialist the next day, which should have clued me in to the fact that something was wrong but never in a million years did I suspect it might be cancer. I pushed it off for a few days, as I had some things I needed to wrap up at work before starting my maternity leave. On my very last day at work, before going on maternity leave, I was told I had cancer.
What went through your head when you were first diagnosed?
Fuck…I’m going to die and the child I’m about to bring into the world is going to grow up without her mother. Please, please, please let me live long enough for her to know who her mommy is.
Tell us about your support system. Or lack of. Where do you get your support from?
The thing about cancer is that it really helps weed out your friends. There were close friends who I thought would be there in my time of need who weren’t…and then there were acquaintances who came out of the woodwork to be there. One of cancer’s greatest blessings was it brought my family closer. I had never been close to my parents growing up…our relationship had always been rather strained. With my cancer diagnosis, I was able to let go of a lot of the resentment I held toward my parents and allow them to be there to support me and my family. I was incredibly lucky to have a strong network of support. My husband got into a motorcycle accident shortly after my cancer diagnosis and shattered his ankle, requiring two surgeries. My sisters and brother-in-law came up from LA and took care of us, and our daughter, as we both recovered from our surgeries and my parents watched my daughter while I went to chemotherapy. I also had some amazing friends who brought meals, provided distractions, and always offered up words of encouragement. I was also incredibly lucky to have a job that allowed me to take an extended leave without ever feeling like my job was in jeopardy.
Many people are unaware that you can do chemotherapy while pregnant. Thoughts and personal experience?
Given that I was diagnosed later in pregnancy, they opted to wait until I delivered to start treatment. My daughter was induced at 38 weeks. I was given the option of starting chemo right away or having surgery first. I opted to have surgery first so that I could nurse my baby. I was able to nurse her for 3 months before I started chemotherapy.
What do you believe is a common misconception about being diagnosed? Or something that you’d like the general population to know about C.
I didn’t share my diagnosis with very many people. In fact, I didn’t go “public” with my diagnosis until I was finished with treatment. I’m not entirely sure why but I was embarrassed…like I did something to deserve to get cancer and that having cancer made me weak. I honestly don’t know where that came from, as I have never viewed anyone having cancer as being weak. I’m not embarrassed about it now and am very open about my diagnosis and “journey.” Also, I think one of the biggest misconceptions for me was chemotherapy. I was terrified of chemo. I remember meeting with my oncology team and asking them what I needed to do to not have to go through chemo. Going through chemo was not a walk in the park but it also wasn’t as grim and horrendous as they make it out to be in the movies. I had some rough days but for the most part, I was able to take care of my child and function relatively normally while going through treatment.
Where are you at in life now? Mentally, physically, emotionally…
I am three years out from diagnosis. I still have days where I struggle mentally and emotionally but over the years, those days have become fewer and far between. I have worked in healthcare for over 15 years, mostly in the realm of nutrition and health education. Since returning to work after cancer, I have expanded my role to do more oncology focused work, managing a team of navigators who work with patients who have been diagnosed with cancer to help address barriers that may prevent them from receiving timely care. I have been able to use my personal experience with cancer to help guide and develop the program. Some days, it’s emotionally draining and overwhelming but overall, I have found this to be very cathartic and healing.
Do you have any lasting side effects- mental, physical, etc.?
Cancer takes many things from you, including your sense of naivete and innocence. While cancer no longer consumes every thought, it’s always there in the back of my mind, ready to pounce when I’m feeling most vulnerable. Physically, between chemo and all of my hormone suppression therapy drugs, I am arthritic, achy, and have chronic foot pain.
If you could send a message to yourself from 10 years ago… how would that go?
1) Enjoy that youthful body and long hair!! 2) Don’t sweat the small stuff. Time is precious and all those things that you thought would lead to the end of the world…you won’t remember any of them. 3) The guy that you are dating now will become your husband and the father to your children. One of his life goals is to race motorcycles. Encourage him to do it sooner…but if he doesn’t, DO NOT push him to pursue that dream right after you get your cancer diagnosis!
Would you like to share one of your shittiest moments/memories? The raw side of C.
I went through four rounds of Taxotere and Cytoxan. My third round was just before Christmas. Our family goes to Lake Tahoe every year for Christmas and I wasn’t about to let cancer take that away from me. The day after my infusion, we loaded up the car and made the trek to Tahoe. I don’t know if it was the cumulative effect of chemo but my body broke out in itchy hives and my throat felt like it was closing up. I wasn’t able to sleep because I was terrified I wouldn’t wake up. It was a pretty shitty way to spend Christmas…but feeling shitty in Tahoe always beats feeling shitty at home.
If people take away anything from your story, it would be…
No one is immune from cancer. I have no family history of cancer, nor did I have any genetic mutations. I have always eaten healthy and was vegetarian for 7 years. I exercised daily and practiced yoga regularly. There isn’t anything I did to bring cancer on. It was just shit luck and it happened. Cancer does not define me but how I have chosen to handle life with cancer does.

My Friend Kathleen

.Reading time 8 minutes.

I met Kathleen through the Kick Ass Cancer Mamas Facebook group.  Here is her story…

Tell us your story / stats: 
I was 29, married 2 years and expecting our first child when I was diagnosed with stage 4 inflammatory breast cancer. It started as a red swollen breast and I ignored it thinking I was just getting ready to make milk. I found a lump months down the road which I had my OB check out and she sent me for an ultrasound immediately, which led to a needle guided biopsy and skin punch biopsy, then diagnosis. We did a baseline ultrasound on baby prior to chemo and found cancer in my liver as well. I had one chemo and then was induced. I did weekly chemo for 7 months before achieving no evidence of disease. I had my ovaries and breasts removed and will continue to get treatment for life, including daily pills, infusions and shots every 3 weeks, along with scans to check my heart due to potential damage from infusions. I have had no evidence of disease for over 3 years now.
C aside, tell us about yourself. What makes you, YOU!
I’ve always been a relentlessly positive person. I quit my job as a wedding cake designer in Seattle to spend more time with my son.
What went through your head when you were first diagnosed?
How unfair it was, getting to bring a little life into the world without getting to stick around to get to know who that kid would become.
What are some of your personal coping skills during difficult times?
I think I am still working on that… I try to talk about it but end up putting walls around the problem and not dealing with it. I try and breathe and stay in the moment, remember all the good.
Tell us about your support system. Or lack of. Where do you get your support from?
My family and friends. Some people came out of nowhere to be big supporters, other people dropped out of my life. I try not to take it personally and realize how hard it would be to be witness to the situation. I am super thankful for my husband, mom, and sister in laws. My son is obviously a huge motivation for me.
Many people are unaware that you can do chemotherapy while pregnant. Thoughts and personal experience?
I trusted in my oncologist. I remember the nurse administering it said she made my onc swear up and and down she wouldn’t be hurting my baby. My onc said it wouldn’t cross the placenta and it didn’t. I was bald when my son was born and he had a full head of hair, that was really reassuring to see.
What have you learned about yourself since dx?
That you don’t realize how strong you are, how much you can endure, until you don’t have a choice.
What do you believe is a common misconception about being diagnosed? Or something that you’d like the general population to know about C.
I had no idea about stage 4/metastatic cancer. I thought breast cancer wasn’t a big deal anymore. Got a huge reality check when I was told metastatic was incurable. I also didn’t know there was a breast cancer without a lump.  I would urge everyone to be aware of any changes in their breasts and to always get it checked out.
Thoughts on the pink… 
I hate the pink washing that is still occurring. We need real awareness, awareness of the different forms, and stages, but more than that, we need research for metastatic cancer, it is the only breast cancer that kills. It kills when it spreads, yet it gets a tiny % of research funding. Wouldn’t you think the majority of research funds should go to the part that actually kills us?
Where are you at in life now?  Mentally, physically, emotionally…
Fairly healthy, I’m at a healthy weight and recently had reconstruction. I spend my days trying to make sure my son will grow up to be a good little person, toughest job in the world, being a mom, and that takes its toll, but I am working on taking good care of my mental health.
If you could send a message to yourself from 10 years ago… how would that go?
I would tell me to cut off my boobs! I don’t have genetics for cancer, just bad luck.
What are you passionate about? Is this different than what you were passionate about before dx?
I’m passionate about raising a good kid. Before C, I was passionate about making good cakes. I had a few in magazines, I was starting to feel like I had “made it” in the cake world, and then I decided it was a waste of time. I don’t know how much time I have in this world, I want to spend it with my family.
Do you have a favorite quote, mantra, phrase, or curse word?
“Hope always” and “time is precious, waste it wisely”
Whenever the day comes to travel to the “great beyond”, what do you hope people remember about you?
My smile and dedication to my family.
Would you like to share one of your shittiest moments/memories? The raw side of C.
I found out my cancer was “incurable” the Friday before my baby shower. I got to open up all these gifts thinking I wouldn’t be around to see the little man these things were for. I got a 9mo suit and wondered if that is what my son would wear to my funeral. The next day was our maternity photo shoot where we had to be all smiles when really we were devastated on the inside. When we got home from that we let ourselves break down. It was a very raw moment.
What’s the latest happenings in your life now?
Life is mostly good… I have a “Metastatic Mom” Facebook page but I don’t update it much since fortunately I haven’t had much to update! Clear scans every 4 months is what usually gets posted these days.
If people take away anything from your story, it would be…
Be aware of any changes in your body, be your own advocate, don’t waste your time on stupid shit.

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My Friend Emily R.

.Reading time 8 minutes.
I met Emily through the Kick Ass Cancer Mamas Facebook group.  Here is her story…
Tell us your story / stats: 
I was diagnosed at age 32 and turned 33, 3 days later. Stage IIIa, 25 weeks pregnant. I had a lump for many years that was called a cyst. It would come and go with periods. When I was pregnant it got very hard and never went away. Then I small red streak appeared at the top of my breast. After trying some antibiotics for a clogged milk duct, I did the real tests to find out it was cancer.
C aside, tell us about yourself. What makes you, YOU!
I’m sarcastic, sometimes funny, I love fitness, I love the beach, I’m a PE teacher, wife and mother. I love dogs, hikes, acupuncture, yoga and to be around friends and family.
What went through your head when you were first diagnosed?
Honestly, just shock and fear, I think I cried every day for about two weeks. I saw death. But thank god, that hasn’t been the outcome for me, yet.
What are some of your personal coping skills during difficult times?
I write sometimes, I complain to my friends on Facebook, I go to acupuncture, I go to the gym.
Tell us about your support system. Or lack of. Where do you get your support from?
My husband is my rock, but I’m not big on verbalizing things until they are really bad. I could probably do better on that end. I wish my friends would reach out more and make more of an effort to spend time with me.
Many people are unaware that you can do chemotherapy while pregnant. Thoughts and personal experience?
I didn’t have too many weird situations when this came up, mostly people just asked if the baby was ok.
What have you learned about yourself since dx?
I cannot handle stress. Lol. I have learned that I’m not impervious to suffering and illness.
What do you believe is a common misconception about being diagnosed? Or something that you’d like the general population to know about C.
It’s not always a death sentence. But I wish people would support each other more. I had some great visits and people brought things to help us, but on the other hand you have close friends who never visited or anything. Just don’t get weird, be there!
Thoughts on the pink… 
I mean, I don’t feel a certain way, except it’s a club that I belong to. Not one that I want to belong to. I don’t wear pink every day, but my little pink ribbon tattoo reminds me of the shit I went through and what I was capable of. It’s not about who my money goes to.
Where are you at in life now?  Mentally, physically, emotionally…
At this exact moment I feel like crap. I stopped my meds that put me into menopause in hopes of having another baby. My hormones are so all over the place, I’ve been fighting this anxiety and panic attack feeling for about a week. But all together for a month on and off. When I feel good, I feel strong and healthy, but today I feel low and broken.
Do you have any lasting side effects- mental, physical, etc.?
I might. I’m still trying to see if my anxiety is from me or just the out of whack hormones. I may need to pursue some counseling in the future if this doesn’t improve.
Have you noticed any lasting effects on your families and friends?
I feel like sometimes that they have already forgotten. In some ways I never want to talk about it again, but other times I want to vent!
If you could send a message to yourself from 10 years ago… how would that go?
Change your diet, open your mind, push the doctors to do what you think, listen to your body.
What are you passionate about? Is this different than what you were passionate about before dx?
I’m more passionate about my personal relationships with people. I’m not good at them all the time but I’m trying.
Do you have any short term or long term goals that you are actively working towards?
I applied to a masters program, I’m hoping to be accepted into the next term! I want to teach at a community college.
Do you have a favorite quote, mantra, phrase, or curse word?
If I die today, it was the best day of my life. To me it just means, live today happy, make today the best day of your life, so if you died today, you died happy!
Whenever the day comes to travel to the “great beyond”, what do you hope people remember about you?
I hope they remember the good things about me. I hope they learn from me too.
Would you like to share one of your shittiest moments/memories? The raw side of C.
It’s crazy how much of a blur that 6 months was. I tried to get pregnant for so many years and cancer just robbed my happiness. It took the one joy in my life and made it totally different. Being pregnant and going through cancer treatment is just so weird and fucked up.
What’s the latest happenings in your life now?
I feel like I’m fully back into “normal” life. Work, wife, mommy…doing everything I did before. I feel very happy with where I am, now I keep wishing for more and more, like there’s a big future still ahead of me.
If people take away anything from your story, it would be…
You can come out of this crappy situation and find one thing to “learn” from it, you learn what you truly value. It will be ok, but have good supports set up, take care of yourself too, that’s important and be a nice person!