Just a quick health update on me- you may have seen in the last post that I’ve been sick for quite a while. I got a cold before Christmas, started to feel better- only to catch something else after the new year- which never went away.

I’ve been treated for a sinus infection- three rounds of antibiotics and some steroids with very little relief. I saw the Ear, Nose, Throat doc yesterday and have been given a new nasal spray that helps a little with the congestion. But my ears are constantly plugged, as if I’m living under water. It’s uncomfortable and sometimes painful.

So this morning, I had a CT of the sinuses. I have an appointment scheduled soon to see another sinus specialist, as well as a hearing test. I also had some allergy tests done yesterday but am still pending the results.

A little better news, I saw my oncologist for a routine follow up on Friday and all looked well on her side. I will see her again in 6 months. 💜

And because health is not just related to the physical body, I finally got myself back into therapy. In order to be the person I want to be for others, I have to take care of myself first, but it’s often a hard thing to do, or at least for me- to get started. But as we all know- you can’t pour from an empty cup. 💜

Do you ever wake up in the morning, mostly clear headed, feeling inspired by life, ready to do some thangs? Throughout the early part of the day, you’re creating to-do lists to help get your life in order, you’re setting goals, planning out how you’re going to change the world and do great things…

But as the day goes on, you begin to lose steam, lose your drive. Finally, by 7pm, you’re doing only what’s needed in order to complete the day and then it becomes time to turn the good ol’ brain OFF. Comforting yourself by saying “I’ll get the inspiration back tomorrow… and tomorrow I won’t shut down until I follow through with some of that cool shit.”

Yeah? No?… No? It’s just me?

I’d like to blame the frequent evening-inspired-laziness on this crappy cold I’ve been fighting since before Christmas (I am seeing the doc tomorrow) but I can’t lie to myself, or anyone for that matter. I am a terrible liar. The guilt makes me want to spew…. Anyway- I can’t blame my cold for something that has been an issue for me for a long time now.

For example, I have been starting blog posts and never taking the time to actually finish for months now. By the time I get inspired to write again, none of what I jotted down is relevant anymore, so I tell myself that I’ll for sure follow through next time…

Another example- I have been playing around with thoughts of turning this blog into some sort of printable book. Not actually for sale but something that my boys can show their great-grandkids when boasting about their ultra-cool and witty mom. (Probably not but I can dream) So I make notes of things I need to look into, steps to take. I get home, do the regular end-of-day duties and then ask myself if any of this is really necessary, who cares to read this stuff later…. blah, blah. Inspiration gone.

Just tonight, I am looking at my most recent sticky note of morning inspirations and epiphanies. It’s filled with ideas as to how I can enhance and deepen my yoga practice and teaching, ways to study up on mindfulness and meditation so I can share with others, how I can serve and give back to the C community…how to Marie Kondo my life… All things I wanted to give my full attention to and just continue to put off for later.

{Just to remain completely honest- I have just hit the point of my evening where I told myself- “Oh, just finish this post tomorrow…” GAH! What is wrong with me?!}

I’m not tired, there’s not a show I’m wanting to watch instead. I’m just ready to turn my brain off for the day.

So, help? How do you stay motivated and inspired?

Because I’m ready to change the world… just maybe tomorrow….

I’ve been sitting with all sorts of emotions this holiday season. As I do each year. Highs, lows, joy, sadness. And I think- nope, I’m sure- these emotions are screwing with my desire to write. Which is a bummer because writing usually brings me so much joy, peace, and healing. Lately though, everything I write down feels so import in the moment but when I go back to add and/or edit, I find that I’m just not ready to share. Or that it’s just a bunch of crap. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Most of my notes have been about my parents and how the holidays are just so tough and lonely without them. Of course, I am grateful for all of the amazing people I do have in my life but there will always be these voids that only they can fill. …And the rest of my notes are about my anxiety and shit. You know, the super uplifting kind of topics.

So, I’ll just say this- for all of my people who have lost someone special, I see you. I know that times get hard… but I see you. And for my people who struggle with anxiety, maybe do like our boy Elmo (and me and my kids) and Belly Breath [yeah, yeah Google it and you’ll see it’s a Sesame Street video, but damn, it’s helpful… and catchy].

I want to wish everyone a beautifully magical New Year, filled with love, excitement, health and happiness. Cheers to 2019✨