Chemo’s Working… I guess

January 3, 2017.Reading time 3 minutes.

I think I’ve finally emerged out the other end of this latest chemo cocktail fog. But seriously. What. The. Fuck. I never would have thought that I would literally not be able to lift my head off of my pillow or even open my eyes. That shit is no joke. I was projectile vomiting. Sweating. Freezing. On the verge of tears from how miserable I felt. But even more miserable not being able to be there for my kids and John. I felt as if someone ran me over with a dump truck and then reversed to make sure I was good and done.

It’s funny, looking back at how bummed I was to push that one week of Taxol due to low counts. It was a blessing. Otherwise I would have felt this shitty over the holiday and that would have devastated me. I would have slept through Wyatt’s first Christmas and I wouldn’t have seen Harlon’s face light up with all of his gifts. I would have also missed Har’s scared shitless face when we told him Santa would be coming inside the house to deliver gifts. He’s still not a fan of the jolly old guy.

John’s basically been our own Lighting McQueen. You know, a one man show. Oh, no? You haven’t seen the movie Cars 9,567 times? Oh weird, we have… Luckily Coach has been around the last few days and is always willing to entertain Lil Har and put up with his endless game requests. He also keeps my husband sane. Win win.

Since I was feeling better today, I slapped on some brows and eyeliner. Swapped out one pair of leggings for another. And was happy to be a functioning part of society, if only for like 2 hours. I could have asked John to run my errands for me but it felt liberating to do something on my own. Even if it just was a run to the pharmacy and Trader Joe’s.

Running errands is exhausting. So we sit.

Along with John’s never ending support and positivity, someone else gave me a much needed pep talk last night to help me out of this funk. She reminded me that I WILL bounce back. Maybe not today or tomorrow but I will rise above all of this. Her encouragement gave me chills. And not the chemo kind of chills. Like heartfelt, man, she’s the best, chills. Thank you Katie.☺ And she’s right. Because I’ve got this.
My new favorite hobby: seeing what kinds of stuff people bought at the grocery store as they juggle it all to the car because no one wants to buy a plastic bag for 20 cents when they forget their reusable one.

Hello 2017

January 1, 2017.Reading time 3 minutes.

It would be easy to just dismiss 2016 for the crazy ass year it was. And I don’t think I’m the only one who had it rough. I mean, there are endless memes and hilarious tweets about it. But 2016 did bless us with some beautiful moments. The boy who completed our family made his arrival this year. Wyatt is beyond a blessing. And each day that I look at his chunky face, I find myself fighting even harder. 2016 is the year Harlon became a fantastic and caring big brother. He shows so much love for Wyatt that it makes my heart swell. I was blessed with a Christmas nephew who is all sorts of perfect! I was able to help orchestrate and witness an exciting and loving proposal between my brother Aaron and his now fiancé Jessica. I got to visit with family and friends throughout the year which is always so special. And through all of the hard times, it has only brought me and my best friend closer. Wink wink John. 😉

2016 also introduced me to people I would have never met without my diagnosis. People who have forever changed me and my outlook on life. All for the better. I’ve added some wonderful women to my Rad Lady Posse. And met strong men fighting for the lives of their own ladies. And of course, a quick shout out to my fellow Kick Ass Cancer Mamas, because for real, without you ladies, I don’t even know. No one will ever get it like you do. Your support and honest love for each other is truly how we should all be all the time. So much love to you all.

Yes, 2016 was the year I was diagnosed with a very aggressive disease but it’s also the year I started to kick it’s ass. Like hard. And it’s also the year Team Filloon came into full effect. 💪🏻 People who I haven’t talked to in years, are back in my life and I love it.

I have a feeling 2017 will start out a bit slow, this AC is wiping me out. I guess I was wrong, I’m not quite superwoman. It’s exhausting to even think of moving or talking at times. And the nausea is something fierce. But I’ll take it day by day and I’ll take the time I need to get stronger.

So yeah, 2016 was a rough year. But we’ve had rough ones in the past too. And we are still here, just getting stronger.

So cheers to a lovely, beautiful, and magically wonderful 2017. Let’s make the best of it, together! Happy New Year! Peace out 2016!

Post Chemo Hydration

December 30, 2016.Reading time 2 minutes.

Update from yesterday’s chemo. After lunch, I began to feel super sleepy so I went home to take an nap. When I woke up I was still extremely tired and started to feel really queasy. My anti nausea meds weren’t helping much. My knees, ankles, and wrists felt like jello. So I took a bath and eventually tried to go back to sleep.

Luckily I had an Oncology follow up appointment today. She gave me the reassurance I desperately craved. She felt nothing in my breast and under arm. Yay for good news! Bonus- she was able to get me into a chair for hydration. Hydration is in the same place as chemo so I felt right at home. Nurse Diane hooked me right up to some saline and Decadron (steroids that also help with nausea). The Decadron didn’t help with my queasy stomach so much so she hooked me up with some Ativan (an anti anxiety med that also helps with nausea). That did the trick. Luckily Aaron and his fiancé Jessica are down and were able to take me to these appointments, bring me a much needed sandwich during the infusion, and drive me home. They were my hydration homies.

So now I just need to stay ahead of the nausea with my meds. And I really need to rest. At the moment, I’m trying to get both kids and the dog to mellow out and take a nap with me in my bed. Wish me luck.