I never eat breakfast but as soon as someone tells you can’t do something, isn’t that all you can think about? My last food intake was at about 8pm the night before surgery. I was hangry by 7:37am yesterday. Hangry=hungry +angry. On top of it, I couldn’t have any coffee so I was swell to be around. 

We got to the hospital at 1:30, got all checked in and settled- and watched a few episodes of Bizarre Foods. Limited hospital channels. I was so hungry at this point that my mouth was watering while watching the host suck snails from the shells. 

My nurse was the best, I wanted to be friends with her. She has two girls, same ages as H and W so of course I was planning weddings in my head 😜 She reminded me of Ali Wong and I loved it. All of the staff was great really, they kept me nice and calm and truly listened to me when I expressed my fears of uncontrollable vomiting after surgery. They gave me a patch to wear behind my ear and three different nausea meds to combat any possible queasiness that would follow and it worked perfectly. 

My other main concern was what we would be listening to in the operating room. Whatever it was, it needed to be fun and upbeat. So naturally, I requested Britney. The OR nurses were so excited with this request and that pumped me up even more. Did they actually play it? No clue. But I like to believe they were pulling my innards out of my vag while singing:

“You want a hot body? You want a Bugatti?You want a Maserati? You better work bitch

You want a Lamborghini? Sippin’ martinis?

Look hot in a bikini? You better work bitch…

Now get to work bitch!

Now get to work bitch!”

-Britney Spears 

My post op team was flat out delightful, sweet and mellow. My main nurse Marylan, never even batted an eye when I was sure I was about to pee myself and needed a bed pan immediately. I didn’t pee. Or when I asked for my 7th pack of graham crackers and 5th apple juice. I loved her. 

I woke up in the recovery room feeling super crampy- almost like the beginning signs of labor. I tried to avoid the narcotics but ibuprofen didn’t do a damn thing and I was given some Dilaudid. It was sleepy magic. I was also connected to a sensor to monitor my breathing and it kept beeping. Apparently I was not breathing deep enough but I was convinced that I was not breathing at all. Marylan kept reminding me that she could see my chest rising and falling and that I was clearly talking to her. So good news, I was and am still breathing.

I still feel pretty crampy, bloated, and sleepy but overall, I feel great. Much better than I had anticipated. I never puked and was able to be discharged last night. We got home around 10 or 11. Honestly, I have no clue what time it was. I expected to feel lighter, a bit empty but nope. I don’t feel much of anything and I like it. 

Thank you everyone, for your thoughts, prayers, calls, texts, and overall good vibes. So much love to Team Filloon ❤️
Side note- this was written partially on Dilaudid last night and Norco today. If it makes no sense, well, I’ll have to read it later and update accordingly 😜