I’m tired. I hear 5 months of toxic treatments can do that to you. It blows my mind to think that we have been dealing with chemo since September, for as long as Wyatt has been on this earth. And even though I have technically had my last treatment, I’m still feeling the side effects of last week’s dose. The accumulation is gnarly. I can still taste the chemo in my throat. I can still smell it. I’m achy and exhausted. But each day it gets a little bit better. 

I’ve been having a hard time drinking enough fluids because everything tastes gross and I think it’s contributing to muscle cramps and fatigue. It doesn’t help that I’ve been laying in my bed for the last 4 days. Being curled up in the fetal position for that long can really cause some achy muscles. Even my bubble baths aren’t really helping. So today I forced my self to get up and go to yoga and I’m glad I did. 

It’s a healing class I’ve been going to, super mellow but I couldn’t even get through the whole thing today. I had to sit down because apparently putting my arms over my head was just too much and I got dizzy. My teacher is amazing though. She helps me with modifications each week and gives me overall support. Like mental support. Because, guys, I need it. I truly needed her her class today, even if it was just me sitting there, taking in everyone else’s positive energy.  

I have been feeling like now that chemo is complete, I really need to take my healing into my own hands. Do not worry, I am not giving up on western medicine. I just want to be sure that I am doing all things possible to beat this. And I like having some of the control… where I can. 

I am going to make more ‘me’ time to lower stress levels. This may be a stricter yoga practice, more baths, more leisurely reading. Whatever I feel that my body and soul need. 
In terms of my diet, I have already cut out red meat and I’ll be sticking with that. I have reduced my dairy intake a TON which I never thought I could do. And I’ll be working on cutting it out completely. I’ve admitted in the past, treats are my weakness. I’ve have been doing pretty well with not eating refined sugar but I need to get way serious. 

So….wish me luck. Sugar is like the fucking Devil man. 

Today was my last chemo! And thankfully so because that shit sucks. You may have seen me jumping for joy on either Facebook or Instagram earlier. 😜That ‘Last Chemo High’ was short lived though. I’m already tired and popping those anti-nausea meds and my jelly joints are back. But LAST ONE!!!! No more, always surprising, red pee! Woot Woot! 

I couldn’t even look while getting my final dose of the Red Devil today. Just the thought of it makes me want to puke. We slowed the Cytoxan dose so to not screw with my sinuses as much. It helped. A little. At least, it made me a little less woozy and snotty than before. Although, at one point I did yell out “I hate this shit!” By the time I realized I actually hollered it, John looked at me a bit shocked. I shocked myself too. Hopefully I didn’t scare any other patients. I mean, I had just met a guy about 30 minutes before who was telling me today was his first treatment. I was all positive, telling him he’s got this. Now I’m blurting out how much it sucks. Sorry dude. But you do got this. Even though it may suck sometimes. 

I’d really like to holler a big Fuck You and peace out to the big C but I’m not quite there yet. Next up, it’s surgery time, still on the schedule for March 21. After that, I think I’ll feel like I’m over the hump. Maybe. What do I know? Then on to radiation. Five days a week for 5 weeks. 

My hair has started to grow back a little bit. It’s pretty fuzzy and looks light. John, lovingly, has been calling me elephant head. 🐘 A fellow survivor in my yoga class thinks it looks like real hair, you know, like the kind that’s going to stick around. That would be cool. But we’ll see, this last treatment might scare it all away again.

I see my oncologist next Thursday so I will have more updates at that time. Stay tuned. 
Fun fact: A different lady in my yoga class came up to me when I was rolling up my mat yesterday. She told me I was striking. When I took off my hat, she felt like she was watching an exotic model do yoga. Guuuuurrrlllllll, thank you 🙌🏻 (Insert hair flip 💁🏻)