I composed this one a few days ago but have been hesitant about posting it. Maybe for fear of putting cranky vibes out there. So let’s look at it more like a public service announcement. 

There are always risks when putting yourself out there. Whether is criticism to your thoughts or beliefs. Heartbreak in love. Or just plain vulnerability. But there’s a risk you don’t often think about. 

The vibe killer. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘misery loves company’. But sometimes the company doesn’t mean it. Like when you want to lose weight and you tell your fellow chunky buddy about your plan to lose it. They say they support you but deep down, they don’t want to be chunky alone. You get me? Let me explain where this is all coming from. 

There is this checker at the Whole Foods down the street. I first met her when I just barely started chemo. I probably would have met her earlier but I couldn’t step foot near the Whole Foods while pregnant without projectile vomiting. This is not an exaggeration. 

My hair was shaved and my port was obvious when we met. So she was confident when she asked me about my treatment and how I was feeling. You know me. You know I am an open book. So I told her I was feeling great, just a little tired, blah blah blah. The usual. 

She then told me about her daughter’s father who has cancer, was not doing well, it had come back, things were not looking well… She told me all of this before I found my personal mantra of “That’s not me. That’s not my story” so it got to me. Never, ever tell someone who is fighting this beast about someone who is losing or lost. Please. 

She speaks like this every time I see her. Never sharing any good news. 

Vibes have strength. They reach the person you are talking to but they also reach the person you are talking about. Without realizing it, she was hurting me and scaring me. And the lack of positivity was in no way helping her daughter’s father. 

Now, I know that she means no harm. I still see her weekly and she always checks on me and asks how I am holding up. But never with a smile, more like pity. Perhaps she is looking for me to console her during this hard time in her life. Maybe she’s looking for a bummer buddy to sulk with. I can’t do that. Not because I am selfish and it should be about me. But because I want her change her outlook, to look at the positive side of things and not cling to the awful stuff. When I ask her about him, I don’t do it with frown on my face. I smile at her, tell her it’s great that he is fighting so hard. And that she is a good person for going over to his house to help him and make sure he is taking care of himself. 

This long post is to remind us all that the vibes we put out there reach further than we realize. We need to try and stay positive even through the shittiest of times. For everyone’s sake. 

And it’s totally possible that she’s just this kind of person, always a little whah whah. You know that noise I’m trying to make right? Whah whah. Anyways, just a reminder to monitor yourself. Chickity-check yo self before you wreck yo self. Or others. 

Ummmmmm… so surprise! That abdominal ultrasound involved a probe in my hoo-ha! This, I was not prepared for. I mean, I’ve had this procedure in the past for cysts but totally forgot about that part. Nothing like having a stranger driving a stick shift up in your lady bits. Ok, that was dramatic. But it’s not what I call a good time. 

Anyway, I just missed a call from one of my many doctors which was a bummer because I enjoy talking to her. But damn, she’s efficient and sent me an email right after. My ovaries appear normal, so kewl! Scanxiety is gone. 

Now I must get back to wrangling two tiny humans, a dog who thinks he’s human, and conquering a massive laundry pile that I will fold but probably not put away for weeks. Mom life.