I went to sleep and woke up to a baby in John’s arms. Sounds cool, right? 

It was a hell of a couple days. We were finally admitted to Kaiser at 3pm on Monday, September 12th. I was started on some pills to get things going. By Tuesday morning, they inserted a crazy balloon contraption  🎈 to get me dialated and then started the pitocin.  Things were moving along Tuesday just fine, got the epidural, contractions were stronger and they broke my water late that night. Suddenly it was time to push so we tried a couple of times. That’s when they realized he was breached. That. Was. Painful. 

My epidural had stopped working and in a matter of seconds, there were about 10 people in my room, all talking quickly and shuffling us out.  The baby had pooped while inside of me. Not good. And they were unable to deliver him in that position all while his heart rate was dropping. Also not good. If you remember, we really wanted to avoid a C Section. And here we were, rushing me into an emergency cesarean. As we recreated the Fast and the Furious down the hallways, I started to freak the F out. John couldn’t be in there with me and honestly I wasn’t sure what the hell was happening. 

Through my tears, the anesthesiologist told me I was going to get sleepy. Next thing I know, I’m in a recovery room trying to focus my blurry vision on John holding this mystery child.   I feel like it took forever to “wake up”, I couldn’t complete a sentence or thought for the life of me. We were then wheeled to postpartum to rest. That’s when I found out he was born at 12:22 am and weighed 5 lbs, 10 oz. They also told me he had a great first cry. Neither John nor I were able to hear it- which does bum me out a bit. 

Today was spent NOT EATING ANYTHING, getting scans, ultrasounds, and a port placed for chemo. It’s not until now that I feel like I can bond with the little man. He’s perfect and well worth the nearly unbearable pregnancy full of so much vomit and pain. 

Tomorrow I will be getting more scans but hopefully can get out of bed, shower, and love on this kid more. We will also talk to the oncologist to see how long chemo needs to be delayed for healing. 

So now, say hello to Wyatt Jackson Filloon. Mama, Daddy, and big brother are just in love! 💘

This morning we went to breakfast as a family of three for the last time. It went by really fast. Harlon was complimented on how good of a boy he was- proud mama. We talked about names for the new kid. Still no decision. But then it was over. John mentioned how quick it felt too. Maybe we were both expecting some long drawn out sentimental moment. I’m not sure. 

The rest of the day was spent nesting. Washing things and organizing. Trying to rid myself of some of this anxiety. A girl can only take so many deep breaths before she completely blacks out 😜 

We went to dinner with John’s parents, to my favorite Chinese restaurant and I ate enough food for all of us. Hot and sour soup, cream cheese wontons, dumplings, veggies and shrimp. Seriously, I felt like I was going to be rolled out to the juicer like Violet in Willy Wonka. It was my last hurrah since I am completely changing my diet this coming week. No more treats! 

As far as tomorrow, I will be calling Kaiser at 7:30 to make sure they have room for me and we plan to check in at 8:30. I will be induced, which I’ve been told, can take a couple of days to actually get this child out. Fingers are crossed for a quick and easy labor/delivery. Painless would be nice too. Haha! The hope is to avoid a c section so that recovery time is minimal and we can start chemo as planned on the 22nd. 

And now, I try to sleep knowing very well that shit is about to get REAL. 

In my best Lil Jon voice. That’s how I feel today. But not the fun kind, instead the shot in your ass kind. Still keeping up with the blood thinner shots every 12 hours but added a steroid shot (in my butt!) to help with the little man’s lungs since he is coming 5 weeks early. I’ll go back tomorrow for another. Baby is looking good, measuring great, and kicking the crap out of my insides. 👍🏻

Other than that, today was nice. I felt like I am only preparing for another baby. Got my hospital bag packed, cleaned up some stuff around the house, hit up Trader Joe’s, put together the rocking chair in the nursery- thank you steroid shot. At least, I’m blaming that. I feel like one of those kids who takes Adderall to study, so focused 😳 And still wide awake.  Yikes. 

But this morning was the best. I was taking Harlon to the babysitter and I told him that he was getting a baby brother next week. And that soon after, mama would be a little sick. He didn’t say anything until I told him it was all going to be Okay. His response was a confident “Okay”. And I said “Okay”. I love that kid.  Good thing we are on the same page.  😉