Unicorn

This past Wednesday, I started back up on Xeloda. I am feeling pretty good so far but I did notice that the bottoms of my feet are turning red again. No pain yet, just red. And my hands are super dry. No amount of lotion or oil can hydrate them which is so frustrating. I’ve always been obsessed with having lotion on my hands so this is driving me nuts. Overall, I’ve noticed that my skin is extremely dry on the Xeloda weeks. 

As far as mood swings, I feel like the extremes have started to level out. I can’t remember crying since my last post… so there’s that. I’m still crazy irritable though. I find myself having to take lots of deep breaths and little time outs to get through things that are not even a big deal. But in those moments, they’re fricken massive issues for some reason. I’m hoping to continue this leveling out business so that I don’t end up chasing all my loved ones away. 😬

Also, this past Wednesday, I attended a yoga teacher training open house at my studio. You guys, I walked into this meeting excited and left completely pumped up! I literally got chills while listening to a past student talk about his experience with the training. And listening to the instructors, it all felt so right. 

I’ve thought about pursuing my yoga teacher certification for several years now. But I always found some reason to put it off. I’d decided that this was the year I would somehow figure it out. The universe must have been paying attention because I have been blessed with an incredible opportunity to earn my yoga teacher training certification with my studio, Yoga Sol in Yorba Linda. 

Thrilled doesn’t even come close to explaining how I feel about it all! I’m eager to see the positive changes to come, along with more physical and emotional healing. The curriculum sounds challenging yet fun and so very interesting. And I can already tell that the class community will be encouraging and supportive- we all seem to bring something different to the group which is super fun. 

Years ago, I wanted to get my yoga teacher training solely so that I could offer prenatal classes to women that were NOT held in the middle of the day. 🙄 … My goals and reasonings have shifted a bit since pregnancy but I still have a strong desire to learn more, deepen my practice and to be able to share it with others. The teachers at Yoga Sol have helped me heal so tremendously throughout this last year and have really inspired me to take this next step. 

Since going back to work, I’ve started to notice some seriously extreme pain on the right side of my neck, shoulder and upper back. At first my brain went to a bad place but then I realized, it’s a familiar pain that I’ve experienced on and off for several years now. I think it all dates back to a 2005 car accident where I ended up in the hospital- it was a Valentine’s Day to (black out from a head injury but wake up shortly after) remember. 😐And I’m pretty sure it’s flaring up again since I’m back, sitting at a desk for work. Thank goodness I have the most amazing chiropractor to help me out. Yup, the same gal who got me through two vomit filled and pain filled pregnancies and just a little life altering diagnosis. Rad. Lady. Posse. 💪🏻 Right after my adjustment, I felt relief. She sent me home with some great exercises so I can help myself along the way. 

I want to end this post with a MASSIVE thank you to my friend Joe at On Season Meals in Fullerton. When I was diagnosed, he offered to set us up with weekly prepped meals. These meals not only fed me, John, and the kids but they also fed caregivers who came to help us out. They saved us on nights where we were so exhausted from appointments, medications, surgeries, overall parenting… that making dinner would not have happened. These meals kept us eating healthy when it could have been so easy to go through a drive thru somewhere and eat crap. 

So, Joe (hah that rhymes 😜) thank you to you and your staff for everything!! I don’t know how we can ever express how grateful we are for your generosity and support! 

Team Filloon- what began as a family joke, has proven to be the strongest team ever. You guys keep us going whether you know it or not. My worry is that it will never truly be understood how thankful we are for each and every one of you. 💜 

A letter to the ladies 

Dear breasts, 

The time has come to say goodbye and go our separate ways. We have been through so much together, so it’s going to be tough going on without you. But I will be ok. 

You made yourselves known pretty early in life and I wasn’t ready. I hid you in tight sports bras and baggy t-shirts. What else could a 6th grader do? 

By the 7th grade, we were on better terms. I had learned to live with you guys. That’s what it was, we were just coexisting with each other. I never felt comfortable letting you shine in all your glory. As I got older, even my mom would say “flaunt them while you got them!” Who knew that one day I wouldn’t ‘have them’?! Not me. But I was always so self conscious and I kept you under wraps for a lot of the time. 

Then you really outdid yourselves at our wedding. Schwing! Thanks for that! I mean, it took a handful of ladies to control you that day and smuggle you into the weirdest contraption of a bra so that you could really strut your stuff. And you both looked fantastic. 

You went on to feed my first born for 13 months and for that, I am beyond grateful. I had planned to use your skills for my second baby but that wouldn’t be the case. But I know you tried. 

We’ve been through thick and thin. You know, thick like my freshman 15 and sophomore 20. And thin like our half marathon days. Get it? Thick. Thin. I hope I’m still funny without you. 

You are a part of me and it will be an adjustment going on without you. But you’ve had a great run. And me, well, I have to keep on keepin’ on. You’ll always have a place in my heart. I’ll never forget you, probably mostly because I’ll have some pretty crazy scars to remind me of where you once stood. 

Thank you. I love you. Now it’s time for you to go. 

Sincerely,

Jessica 

A few of the glory days

Thankful, Grateful, Blessed 

Ninth Taxol treatment in the works! Three more to go and then on to the AC. 

Nothing much to report today. Thankfully! And in the spirit of being thankful, which I am on the daily, I’ll share with you my current alphabet list. 

Remember way back, when I told you all that sometimes I play the alphabet game in my head? Well, today’s genre is gratitude and things that make me happy. 🤗 Note- this list is NOT the end all, be all. Just the things that popped into my head while trying to pass the time during chemo. And because it’s my game, I make the rules. You’ll see what I mean when we get to X 😁

A- Alternative Medicine 
B- Belly laughs

C- Cards 

D- Doggies

E- Ellen

F- Family and Friends 

G- Giggles

H- HGTV 

I- Impromptu dance parties in the driveway to Christmas music and Christmas laser light decorations 

J- John

K- Kombucha

L- La Croix 

M- Modern Medicine 

N- Nausea Meds 

O- Olives stuffed with yummy things

P- Parades

Q- Quiet Moments 

R- New Recipes 

S- Seat Heaters

T- Tamales

U- Ukuleles 

V- Visits from my parents in my dreams 

W- The Woody Show on 98.7

X- Extra Hugs and Kisses from Little H 

Y- Yoga

Z- Zippered onesies for W

Did any of you watch This Is Us last night? Man I love that show! William’s speech about appreciating the tiny beautiful moments really hit me, gave me the chills. So real and relevant. 

You don’t need me to remind you, especially during this season, but I’ll say it anyway. Always remember to be thankful; say it out loud, write it down, or just say it in your head. Express gratitude even for the little things- for those, sometimes, really are the big things. 

Each night, as I close my eyes, I give thanks for the wonderful things in my life. Try it out. It feels nice. 

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving! And if you feel like putting it out there, tell me- What are you grateful for? 🍁