It’s been a really good week. My chemo side effects from last week have been very minimal. Just a little achy but nothing to bitch about. Thumbs up all around! 👍🏻
Monday was my first day alone with both kids. And you want to know what we accomplished? A trip to mother f’ing Target! Yup! Target! AND a quick run into Sprouts! I’ll wait for the applause to die down. 😜The little one was in the Ergo carrier and the big guy in the cart. We managed to get everything off of our list…. and then some. Obviously. And we only cracked 5 of our eggs by the time we got home!
But other than feeling fantastic for surviving Target, I felt even better forgetting that I have the big C for a little bit. I felt like a mom. Not a sick mom. Just a mom. A stressed and sweaty mom who lugs kids around and negotiates with a non negotiable toddler. A mom who can look at another mom with a lunatic kid trying to escape from the cart yelling about Dory (thanks goldfish crackers for putting Dory’s face on the front of the bag). A mom that gives the sideways smile of “girl, I feel you” to that mom. It’s the best feeling I have felt in a long time. To just be a mom.
On Tuesday, I had my first acupuncture appointment. The dr is pretty rad. I feel like she gets me. And she has so much knowledge to share. I’ll be going once a week for 10 weeks and will see how things go. At my appointment, we talked about all sorts of stuff but one reoccurring topic was visualization. I have mentioned in the past how I visualize, at least I think I have mentioned it. Chemo brain? I hear that’s a thing. I think I heard that… Well, I have been visualizing the shit out of some good stuff since. I started with seeing myself taking the boys to baseball practice in my minivan- yup, minivan. I’ve given in to the ulta-mom ride, at least in my visions. Raising them in a small home so that we can always be near each other. Then I see myself at their high school graduations- clapping and so proud. My hair is long and luscious at that point. With salt and pepper grays. Then I see myself at their weddings crying happy tears during the mother/son dances. I then see myself holding my grandchildren, loving them so hard. Finally, I see John and I growing old together, taking trips, laughing together, taking walks around the neighborhood and just being with each other.
Today is Chemo day. I think it’s weird how excited I get about chemo day. It’s like get ‘er done day. With my port pumping poison, I feel fantastic!
As I sit here, I think of the several amazing women I’ve met so far in this journey. Many survivors and many women currently fighting. Breast cancer while pregnant may be a rare diagnosis- 1 in 3000, but I feel like everyday I either meet another person or hear of someone who has gone through it or is currently fighting. One strong woman I have met along the way is truly an inspiration to me. She is younger than me but also has a young son and is pregnant with her second. We have a lot in common, I often feel like her posts are something that I wrote myself. It’s like we were meant to cross paths. I feel that about everyone I have met so far. But she has a fantastic motto. “Live life with purpose”. Can it be anymore truer than that? If anything, that is what my diagnosis has taught me.
If my story can help even one person along the way, whether it’s support or early diagnosis by self checking, then I know all of this is for a reason. I was given this obstacle because I can handle it. I wish I could say that through everything, I have found the answers or the cure. But I can’t. I can just say that my perspective has changed enough to appreciate the little things. So cliche. I know. But it’s for reals.
I’ll leave you with this. I came across a post on Instagram. It’s a quote from a survivor that gives me chills each time I read it. “Breast cancer changes you, and the change can be beautiful”- Jane Cook.