A man complimented my hair on Saturday while I was at Kaiser. He told me he wished he had enough hair to have a nice hair cut like mine. Our elevator ride was filled with stories about him hiking across the US many, many years ago and getting shot at because he had long hair. Nice guy. Talker.
Little did he know that just that morning, my hair started to fall out. I felt a tickle while drinking my coffee. Rubbed my head and there were several hairs in my palm. The doctors and nurses had told me I’d see it on my pillow once it started. So I went back to check and sure enough. Everyday I feel confident that I’m going to wake up completely bald but, hell, I have so much hair! It’s definitely patchy now so I don’t anticipate it to take much longer.
John had taken me to his barber the other day to get “cleaned up” before it really started to fall out. While I loved the atmosphere and the lightheartedness of the boys club, I walked out feeling like one of the boys. The short hair that everyone says I can rock, doesn’t make me feel real pretty. I look like my brother- no offense Aaron- you’re a handsome dude. 😉 So I’m working on a makeup routine to feel a little better about myself. Not having much luck yet but I practice everyday. I feel super weird wearing lip color and filling in my eyebrows, it’s not me. Or, at least, it hasn’t been me. Lots of things are changing.
For reals though, I’m actually a little relieved that my hair is falling out. It’s a sign that the chemo is doing things, attacking the fast growing cells. Hopefully attacking the shit out of the cancer cells. Today, I am getting the Taxol and Carboplatin. Crossing my fingers it kicks some ass but spares me the vomit.
I’ve been pretty cranky this last week. I mean, I feel fine from chemo. Just cranky in general. Maybe it’s because I have cut refined sugars -aka treats- from my diet. 😐 I am allowing myself to feel this way. I won’t let it dominate though. I don’t have time to have a pity party when there’s shit to take care of. Things like raising kids, being a good wife, and getting healthy. But I will acknowledge these feelings. And then let them go.
In my quest to get healthy and heal myself, I went to yoga yesterday for the first time in a long time. It felt great to dedicate an hour to focus on my breathing and my health. The teacher was great, I talked to her after class and I really dig her. She’s a great addition to my Rad Lady Posse that I’m forming. She just doesn’t know it yet. 😜 I’m like Taylor Swift – #SquadGoals -Kidding!!!
Along with my crankiness funk, I’ve also had writers block. So I leave you here. For now.
Oh, I won a raffle in the chemo room today. Got a goodie bag of fun stuff. So, things are looking up. 👍🏻
Nurse just came by, John will be giving me injections at home this Saturday, Sunday, and Monday because my white blood cell count was low.