The Filloon Five has been down for the count the last few days. Yup, all of us, even Petey. But it’s nothing a weekend full of jammies, football, and Hallmark movies can’t fix. We are all feeling much better now. And thankfully we are better so I didn’t have to miss chemo this week. 

Today marks my 10th Taxol! Feeling pretty good considering I’ve been pumped full of drugs for the last 10 weeks. The bone pain is pretty consistent and my right knee has been a real jerk. Sometimes when I take a deep breath or do something that makes my heart pump harder, like walking up the stairs with a kid in my arms, it feels like my ribs are going to explode. And the base of my skull throbs. But it’s cool. 

Every week I have to get my blood drawn the day before chemo to make sure my counts are ok. I used to dread it and get woozy afterwards. But now I handle that shit like a boss. At the beginning of all this, I was really upset about the daily lovenox injections and weekly draws. I thought there was no way I could get 2 shots a day and be ok with it. Funny how things change. 

On my way to blood work this week, I was listening to some old CDs that we (re)found in my trunk. Yes I still have cds. And DVDs for that matter. John’s been trying to get rid of them for years now. It’s always a fight. I have also saved nearly every card I have ever been given. Ever. I love looking back at them. I guess John’s right… a bit of hoarding tendencies. 😳 but now I’m off topic. Back to the CD’s. 

Listening to the random songs, and I mean sooooo random, they bring back so many memories! It’s like when you smell something and it brings you right back to a specific time and place. It’s such a cool feeling. These CDs have some real gems on them. Terribly titled, if at all, but great songs. Example titles: “Bunch of Crap” and “Bunch of Crap: Revised” Really Jess? 🙄Many are from back in the Napster days, most are from college times. So much Ben Harper! 😄 Makes me miss my old high school, college, and Trophys peeps that I don’t get to see anymore. Thank goodness for social media. Yesterday, I ended my day with some Wilson Philips 🤗

Memories- Lately I have been having difficulty remembering things in general. I can’t claim Norco brain anymore because those pills are long gone from my C Section. But I hear that baby brain can last up to 6 months, so there’s that. To add to it, there’s also chemo brain. Lucky me, I get to double up. I have to write everything down. There are lists all over my house and on my phone. It’s pretty frustrating. But it will all comeback to me soon, I hope. So forgive me if I ask and re-ask the same questions or just plain forget things that we talked about. I’m working on it. 

Making new memories- We got our Christmas tree this week. John came home and randomly asked if we wanted to go pick one out. Ummmm yeah!!! Man, I love him. We usually get the Noble Fir but this year we opted for a Douglas. I’m so pleased with our choice! It’s gorgeous, reminds me of when I was a kid. 

Harlon loved helping this year. His approach of throwing ornaments straight into the tree actually worked for the most part. He sang Jingle Bells the whole night and when we turned the lights on, he yelled “Oooohhhhhh Christmas!” ☺️ I love seeing him getting so excited for the holidays. Wyatt also started smiling this week, life is good. 

My home away from home, AKA Kaiser (you thought I was going to say Target, huh?) also decorated for Christmas and that makes me happy. Speaking of Target, Harlon and I learned that Santa is watching when we are at Target so it’s best to keep your bottom in the cart, no yelling and no screaming. 😜 Santa is the man. 

In previous posts, I have mentioned that I go to yoga and acupuncture every Wednesday. It’s also the day I get to catch up on This Is Us ❤️ Those are my “me” days. The boys are at the babysitter’s so I can run around and get things done but it also allows me time to think. And sometimes worry. Luckily, my acupuncturist is also like a therapist and she helps me work though a lot of my anxieties. She reminds me to trust my gut and that if I connect with my soul, it will give me the road map I need for healing. 💖 She and I talk about so much more and she gives me so much fantastic advice but remember baby/chemo brain? Yeah, that. I can’t always remember it all. Good thing I’m there every week for reminders. She should write a book…so we all can benefit from her…. and then we could look back when we forget. 

Then when I go to yoga, I can set my intention for my practice and work on me.  Last night’s intention was to release fear. I am working on acknowledging the fear, allowing myself to feel it, and then letting go of it. Work in progress. 

***This just in***

I don’t know why I didn’t remember this😜 but turns out today is a Carboplatin day. Blah. Get ‘er done I guess. Another 30 minutes in the chair.