In my last blog, I reminded us all that another day is never guaranteed. This last week was a seriously fucked up reminder. If you follow my Facebook or Instagram, you may have seen that two of the mamas in my group passed away. I was a mess. It made everything so real again. Especially since they both were diagnosed with Triple Negative BC, like me. They were so inspirational, sources of love and light. And will forever be in my heart.
We all process loss differently. As I age, my processes change. I know several people have been worried about me and how I am handling it all. I am ok. Hurting but ok. I allowed myself time to cry, sit with it all. But now, I am focusing on my healing. Acknowledging my feelings and then making sure I release them because holding onto to the pain won’t benefit me. Or anyone else, for that matter. Instead, I must keep on so that I can share their stories. I want to be a source of support for others like they were for me. And in order to do that, I need to get right here (points to head) and here (points to sky). Feel me?
When my mom passed, I remember feeling like I didn’t know how I could go on. When my dad passed, the same feelings consumed me. Now, I look for them in any way possible. Songs, birds, butterfly’s, the wind… And I find comfort in know that they really are always with us. Losing these mamas brings up familiar feelings but I feel like I am able to process loss in a more positive way now.
Yesterday, Harlon and I made seed bombs: balls of clay, potting soil, flower seeds and love. We plan to toss them in places that don’t have a lot of beauty and need a little love, in honor of those who now visit us in different ways. May those who have passed, help nurture the seeds like they did us, when they were on this earth- now in forms of sunshine and raindrops.
I hope that these seeds will bloom into beautiful flowers, even in not so wonderful circumstances. I’ve never made these before but I believe they will “bloom where they are planted” because they were made with love for those we love. 💜