People are ultimately good. There will always a shithead here and there but overall, good. I was reminded of the good today while I was at the mall for a quick errand. 

I have been trying to get myself organized for surgery, which is a week from today. Part of that organization has been getting my jammy game up to par. AKA- I needed button down tops since lifting my arms will be a pain for a few weeks. Target didn’t have much so I headed to Nordstrom with a gift card I had. I found the softest button down jammy shirt and headed to the checkout. 

Harlon had been yelling and crying that he wanted to look at the choo choo- there was no choo choo…- so I gave him my phone hoping he would calm the heck down. While waiting in line, a lady walked up and smiled at Harlon and took a peak to see what he was watching. I immediately felt shame for giving my 2 year old a phone so I smiled and quickly looked down. The lady who rang me up was the same one who did my mastectomy cami fitting so we got to talking. Just then, the other lady behind the counter mumbled something to my girl. Turns out, the woman who had smiled at Harlon wanted to pay for my top, she had overheard our conversation and my situation.  I couldn’t find the words immediately. I think I just blurted “really!?” Then the tears filled my eyes. And my head started to sweat. A lot. That happens when I get flustered, I sweat. Gross, I know. But I gave her a huge and sweaty hug anyway. 

Even tonight, I still don’t have the words. I can only say this- I am so grateful for each and every person that walks into my life.  ❤️

It’s been a while since my last post, I’ve been busy slamming in the fun before I’m out for 6 weeks. Lots of Disneyland and Knotts Berry Farm. Visiting friends. John and I just got back from a nice mini vacation at the Newport Coast. It’s been great. 

But since it has been so long, I do have a few updates. When I saw my oncologist the week after my last chemo, she wasn’t surprised that I still felt like crap. All of the accumulation was taking its toll. 

Also at that appointment, she had to talk me down. Way down. Like tears were happening. I felt certain that my lump was growing for a few days before my appointment with her. I was stressing on it. She assured me that all she felt was normal breast tissue. Phew. But I was still not ok. 

Here’s the thing, and forgive me if I have already mentioned this, but she doesn’t typically believe in scans after treatment unless a patient is symptomatic, which I am not. But I just could not get down with this. My brain needs to know what’s up. Especially since I had felt like I was going backwards for those few days. She finally agreed to give me a scan after everything to make sure nothing has spread. Knowing this puts me at ease. 

I had to go back for another hydration a few days after my oncologist appointment because I wasnt improving. Hydration is supposed to make you feel better pretty quickly so when I was still feeling shitty at the end, they scheduled me for a couple more days the next week too. Thankfully, I was able to start drinking more fluids as the days progressed and I cancelled the appointments. Each day, I’m feeling a little better. 

Today, I went in for a blood draw and my white blood cell count is too low again so my oncologist wants me to go back in Thursday for another draw. I’m assuming everything needs to be up and well for surgery on Tuesday. 

Tomorrow is my pre-op appointment so I’ll be sure to relay any information from that. Until then…
Parenting tip: If a milk cup goes in the car, make sure the milk cups exits the car… 🤢

In the last couple of months I have noticed a lack of sass, wit, and realness in my posts. I’m not sure when it happened, I imagine it was gradual. But I’m not happy about it. I will not let C take that from me. It can take my hair, eyelashes, brows, coloring of my face, energy, ability to keep things in my stomach. But not my fucking sass, man. 

So I warn you now, it’s going back to being real. If you know me, you may be feel relieved that the ‘old Jess’ is coming back.  Similarly, if you know me, you may have just said ‘oh shit’ in your head. But as I notice the amount of blog followers growing 😳, many of you may not get my humor if we have never met face to face. So, please don’t go, I like you. But also, please don’t get offended. 

After a mini meltdown last night, followed by some self reflection, I realized that this blog has been some of the best therapy for me. And I need to get back to it in that manner. This being said, shit’s about to get real. Again. 

How do I do that?  I think I will start by imagining all of you in your underwear to make it easier for me. Less pressure. You know, that whole thing?  Let’s be honest, you’re probably reading this while you sit on the toilet in your undies anyway. No judgement here. If you have kids, this might be the only ‘me time’ you have. But most likely, I’ll just pretend I am writing in a journal that no one will read. 

But this loss of sass was not like some switch that suddenly went off and can easily be flipped back on. Instead, it’s sort of like that weird IKEA lamp we have above our kitchen table. There’s a ton of fucking weird ass light bulbs. And they have started slowly going out. But I’m pretty sure you can only get those bulbs AT IKEA. And IKEA sucks but I know that I need to go before they all burn out. So I’ll be replacing bulbs as days go by until I’m back to being a bright beacon of light…. ok, too far. But you feel me. And to be clear, I’m speaking figuratively. I don’t want to deal with IKEA, those lights are not getting replaced. 

 

Speaking of feel me, have you felt you? It’s March 1st and you should be feeling it on the first. And by it, I mean your boobs. For lumps. Or anything out of the ordinary for your body. In fact, men, do me a fav and check your bits too. And by bits I mean balls and boobs. Remember, men can get breast cancer too. Do it. Now. I’ll wait. 

All good? Cool. 

So really, this is just about me. But maybe you’ll get some benefits too? And maybe I’ll give you a heads up if things seem to be heading in a weird direction. Maybe I won’t. It will be like a game. 😜 In the past, I only censored myself enough so to not shock my grandparents. But let’s be real, they know me.

 With all this said, please remember this is a judgment free zone. Going both ways. So in other words, don’t be a dick. 

Let’s get weird